When The Going Gets Tough

When the going gets tough,

remember to paint a picture

of your heart

where the tiny voice speaks

to you

in its sorrow, and in its rage and its wanting.

It says:

“It is never too late to hear me.

But if it has been a long time,

Then you might need to approach

Gently,

With a compassion that is

Just beyond your reach,

And requires you to jump into an empty, dark space.

But if you take that courageous leap,

you will win me back,

and your will

becomes aligned

with mine.”

That which is all of you

Today I meditated, and I felt through all my chakras. And I saw again how my stuckness is in chakra 3 and 4. Power and Love. And that through my love of 3 and 4, my liberation of 3 and 4, I will become whole and fulfill my destiny.

I talk about destiny because I feel it. It’s a feeling in me, that I’ve always had. It’s consistently there and it always relates to voice, of being seen and heard. Of reaching many people. My destiny always speaks to me of the child, of the woman, and the man. My destiny speaks to me of love. My destiny speaks to me of innocence and kindness and creativity. My destiny speaks to me of community. Of human potential. My destiny speaks to me of transformation—the butterfly. And annihilation and creativity—the spider. And what is the symbol of love? The heart. And what is the symbol of wholeness? The circle. And what is the symbol of integrating opposites—the mandorla. The circles overlapping. And so these are my symbols.

What is unique in you that must emerge in this lifetime?

It is your duty to give birth to it.

During my meditation, I wrote something in my head.

It went like this:

Let’s assume for a moment that you do have gifts. That you possess something so unique and so beautiful that no one can touch it. No one can reproduce it or steal it. It belongs only to you and will be with you through this lifetime and possibly into the next.

And if you trusted and had faith in your gifts, you would know how to nurture and protect them as if they were your children.

And then what?

You must find a way to look unflinchingly at your inner truth. You must find a way in, and bring wholehearted compassion to all the dark corners of your being. You must love all of yourself. The pettiness of the ego, the fear, the hatred, the intense neediness of the child. You must love all of it. And through that love, you will find the secret gold of your empowerment, and the fullness of your unique gifts.

You must, by any means, find a way to let your ego work in service of your gifts. You must learn to work hard, harder than you thought you were capable of, not hard in the sense of rushing around and busyness, but hard in the sense of steadfast and devoted. A labor of love. That kind of labor—where it transcends work, and feels like deliverance of your soul.

And then, by all means, you must find a way to share the fruits of your labor. You must be willing to dig down deep and face the fear that keeps you hidden and keeps your vulnerability disguised. You must find a way to let this work by seen. Not by anyone. But by those who have earned your trust. One at a time, gradually, with gratitude and non-attachment, lifting the veil, sharing the truth of your soul.

I came here to liberate the soul from the constrictions of culture. The constrictions of gender, of identity, of race, of abuse, of neglect, of trauma, of avoidance, of apathy, of the illusion of isolation, of brokenness. I came here to teach you how to liberate yourself from the box in which you put yourself. I came here to remind you who you really are. That you are complete and full of love. That you are much more than your mind. Or body. That you are both a fully unique soul that lives on this planet in this precious lifetime, and you are part of something much larger than any one mind can fathom. Your heart beats in the universal rhythm of the one heart, the one love. This is the one love of Bob Marley, and Jesus, and Buddha, and Mohammad. This is the one love of Rumi and John Lennon, and Gandhi, and Martin Luther King Jr. And what about the women, hidden in history, who felt and feel this message? Who know this with out even speaking its name. Yes, them, too. Us, too. This is the one love of all of humanity.

We are all of evil and of good. We are all of darkness and of light. When we encompass all of who we are in love, we no longer suffer. We find our wholeness, and we can shine.

7.4 billion bodies. 7.4 billion minds. 7.4 billion souls.

One Heart.

What is Zoëlab?

I have been trying to write an About Page for this site that encapsulates and describes what I am doing here and why. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to write because it means so much to me, and it is so hard to describe complexity.

Here is my second attempt. My first attempt is on the first version of ZOELAB 365. I have also been working on the My Story page, which is an internal biography. Its not quite there yet, but it's getting there. I welcome constructive feedback from you, my beloved readers.

Part of my intention with this blog is sharing how I learn and how I teach. How to be an artist, how to develop one’s voice, how to be more honest, more compassionate with self and other, how to be more balanced, how to be integrated, how to be a parent, how to have harmonious relationships, how to improvise, how to create the life of your dreams, how to create meaning, how to sing, how to meditate, how to create useful & beautiful things, how to heal the split, how to understand one’s self, how to mirror, how to heal narcissism, how to integrate male and female, how to stand up for what you believe, how to be authentic, how to be vulnerable, how to be human, how to draw, how to create regular practices, how to achieve major dreams, how to listen to intuition, how to share one’s soul, how to incorporate disparate parts of self.

Here, I share what seemed unsharable to my previous self. Here, I track my process of stepping courageously out into the world with uncertainty, and faith. Faith in love and creativity. Faith in the human spirit to elevate us into our evolutionary destiny. Faith in human potential. Here, I share the uncertain & revelatory process of spiritual awakening, while integrating what I have learned from my failures, successes, studies & self-taught adventures in: performance, improvisation, dance, theater, film, photography, drawing, poetry, comedy, meditation, graphic design, hair design, clothes design, expressive arts therapy, psychology, spiritual philosophy, songwriting, singing, playing music, creating a life off the grid, pioneering, confronting death, integrating parts of self, working with the unconscious, true storytelling, daydreaming, travel, desert living, Baja, DIY projects, how to learn, rock-n-roll, cultural criticism, holistic health.

I am in love with learning, transformation, truth & beauty. I am in need of healing and I am in need of connection. A mysterious path unfolds before me. It’s like a giant puzzle, and in short intense spurts the pieces of that puzzle appear before me, and I place them in their context. My destiny is not completely clear, but I know it has to do with this blog, public speaking, travel, creating an artist residency/retreat center, performing storytelling and music, being a champion for the everyday arts as well as the shadow of our Culture: namely: the feminine principle, shit, garbage, emotions-especially fear & shame, the heart, imagination, shame, play, children, the spirit realm. My destiny also includes: videos, children, social practice art, being a voice of inspiration and revolution, rock-n-roll, poetry, bringing the teachings of Jung & the expressive arts to the mainstream, being an aesthetic bridge between new age spirituality and artists/intellectuals, writing about philosophy, inventing new forms of art and ways of being, synthesizing the arts, psychology, education & spirituality. I know it's a lot. But I see no choice in the matter.

As I chronicle the process of building a life off the grid, in Mexico, motherhood and its stages, developing my career, I also work on larger projects. Much of what I share is the material for larger projects: videos, books, albums, live storytelling & talks. Each project emerges out of my synthesis of my ideas and needs for healing and growth. As I learn of a new calling or aspect of my callings, I learn how to grow myself up for the task required. This has already happened several times in my life. How I went from being a shy, quiet girl who was rejected as a child actress—to a trained performer and teacher. How I went from being someone who couldn’t sing to someone who could. How I discovered and developed my ability to write songs. How I went from a person who hid out of fear of criticism to someone who transparently shares my failures and vulnerabilities and struggles as equally as I share my dreams and gifts.

And it is here that I chronicle my everyday challenges & learning, as I also share and manifest my dreams. It’s a space of integration of all parts of self, and all parts of the human experience. A space of non-judgmental awareness, humor, fun, play & emotional expression. I invite you to bring your whole self here to meet me. Share your comments, questions, wonderings. Email me. Dare yourself to be vulnerable and authentic. Let’s change the world through our uncertain/heart-based faith in love and creativity. Together, let’s live in presence, imagining a future that lives up to our human potential as unique individuals and our interconnectedness humans living in a natural world. Let’s revive the dying living room arts of friendship, conversation, storytelling, letter writing. Let’s restore the arts to their proper place in culture—woven into the fabric of our everyday lives. Using art for its true purpose: to celebrate & elevate humanity. To give voice to soul. To create soul. To connect. To return to individual & universal wholeness. Let’s acknowledge and celebrate the larger truth that unites us in aliveness.

Learning to make art is about tuning ourselves to the divine

My therapist once asked me:

"how does the creative spirit work? can you draw a picture of that?"

Above is what I drew, and below is what I wrote a few days later.

We just need to hone and sharpen the instrument through lots and lots of practice, and then get the fuck out of the way. Let the creative spirit pass through. Work in service of the spirit. Have faith that you will be rewarded with its gifts in time, but not according to a pre-designed plan. Enjoy every moment of the service, the labor. Put your full self in. Include the shit. Become a scientist in your devotion to your learning. And also a beginner. Be smart and aware. Don’t take anything for granted.  Let everything count. Take notes. Share what you are doing. And then  keep going. The moment you stop to think about 'the others' is the moment ego comes in and ruins everything. You start projecting yourself into the future, forgetting that the only clue to the future is in the present moment. So get back to work and look inward. Record everything. Ask the hard questions. Don’t rush to answer them. Then get back to work again. If there’s a block, look for another place of flow. Don’t stop, unless you are resting and taking silence or playing or being with others. Don’t stop because the wrong voice inside told you to. Never stop because of that. Stop only because you’ve had enough for the moment. Because you need a break. Have faith  that the creative spirit is always there, inside & outside of you, at anytime. All you need is to drop into the senses. Drop into receptivity. Drop into presence. And you will find all you need. There is never a wrong time to start, or a wrong reason. Just start. If you don’t know what you are doing, fake it. Smile and look in the mirror. Open up the last work you did. Take a walk. Write your future self’s resume and then give yourself the job right now. Don’t think you’re too good or not good enough because whatever you are at this very moment is all you need. Let go of fitting-in and dance in your living room, or look at clouds. This is the best advice you’ll ever get, so you should take it now, take it in slow like it’s the last of your life, and you will remember what you need to remember.

Imagine, for a moment, you believe, to your very core, that who you are, right now, does not need to be improved upon, tweaked, fixed or changed in any way, that you already have and are everything you need.

What would your life be like?

Okay, go ahead and live that life. Fake it till you make it.

Art World: Outsider/Insider, Part Two

ZOELAB DAY 70

Meanwhile, I was going graduate school school to become an expressive arts therapist. I thought of it as the ideal career for someone like me. I could continue to express myself in all the varying art forms, free from the constraints of making money within that context, and at the same time, I could make a living as an expressive arts therapist. Through my three years of school, and two years (one year overlapping with school) working as an expressive arts therapist, I developed a new relationship to the arts. Making art was no longer about ego gratification and being clever, but it became a soul need. It became a way of living. A way of making meaning out of life, so that I could have a more playful, creative relationship with myself, and with others. It was a way to take myself less seriously, but at the same time take my feelings more seriously. I found something I really believed in. Making art in this way is magical, deep and satisfying. However, as I headed deeper into the professional world of psychology, with its licensing hours, ethical codes and boundaries, I started to feel uncomfortable. I asked myself is this what I really want? I started to find myself feeling less whole, and more split. The connection I had with being an artist in the world started to slip away, but I wasn’t willing to give it up. I wasn’t willing to put it into hiding. In an expressive arts therapy based desire to integrate this split between the Professional and the Artist, I came up with an idea for a sitcom character--an untrained working therapist, who was very unprofessional, with very poor boundaries because what she really wanted to do was to be an artist. Every week she had a new fantasy, and as she sits with clients she fantasizes about her other life. I did not make the show, and we moved to Mexico soon after. (Since then I have been developing the show within the new context of Baja, and plan to start shooting in 2013).

It wasn’t until last year, when I was planning workshops for Art For Life,  my organization that I am building in Mexico, where I teach cultivating creativity workshops and do creativity coaching, that the realization came to me. What if the work I do helping people to access their creativity IS art in itself? After all, this could be a form of art as social practice. When I think about it, it is not so different from what an expressive arts therapist is trained to do. With expressive arts therapy, “the work” or the therapeutic relationship is private, and therefore personal only. But with social practice art, “the work,”  while still just as personal, becomes public, and therefore universal. In this way, the work benefits not only the teacher/therapist/artist (me) and the participant/student/artist, but also, the public, who witnesses the interaction (whether through recordings, or as a live audience.) Another important difference between expressive arts therapy and social practice art is the context, and the language of aesthetics. My goal is to make Art For Life (its teachings and experiences) relevant in different contexts, using distinct languages of expression. Some workshops will be relatable to people with no arts training, while some will behelpful to people who are fully engaged in the art world. I am interested in connecting the gap between the sophistication and internationality of the art world and the depth and empathy of the expressive arts therapy world. The art world can be kind and the expressive arts world can be hip. 

The internet is an integrative space that can hold the kind of approach I am speaking of. This blog is, in itself, my foray into social practice. My goal is to make it more interactive--so that it feels more of a mutual experience. I want to share one of my favorite examples of participatory art--the project by Harold Fletcher and Miranda July called Learning to Love You More.  If you are interested in social practice/participatory art, please write to me and share your knowledge, as this is just a starting place for me. I have been sharing with you a a new thing, a delicate thing. The first seed of a possible direction of my ever-evolving desire to integrate my dreams, passions and skills, so as not to feel compartmentalized, so that I may live the enchanted life of my dreams, and to help others live their creative dreams. Ultimately, to live life as creatively as possible, to live life as art.

Art World: Outsider/Insider, Part One

ZOELAB DAY 69

I have always had an ambivalent relationship with the visual Art World. Even though my mother is a painter, with an MFA in art, and I was a Studio Art major in college and grew up in New York City, getting to go to some of the finest museums and galleries in the world and I have dedicated to my life to the study, practice and teaching of the arts, there was a clear moment when I decided that I would not become a professional visual artist in the traditional sense. I knew, somehow, that I did not want to make art to sell in museums or galleries. I have had a few pieces in shows here and there, but really, it has not been my goal. This project ZOELAB is the most I’ve put myself out there as an artist in my life.

The art world, with its erudite sleekness and exclusivity, is both a real and conceptual place to which I have felt intuitively I don’t belong. And yet, there is a paradox. Because I also feel a connection to the art world, I understand its language, but yet something has been missing. I love to go to museums and galleries. I love to read art criticism (or used to) and have heady discussions with artists about aesthetics and contexts. Many of my friends are artists who are entrenched in the art world. And yet, since I was a small child, art has always meant something else to me, more personal, less categorizable, something in the realm beyond judgment. I felt that art belonged in a different context than a museum or gallery, and yet I loved visiting those very places. And even if I can participate in the culture around art with which I am so familiar, it somehow does not include me. Perhaps it is because art and commodity don’t go together for me. Perhaps it is because even though I love visiting museums, they still feel like places of restriction and institution. Perhaps this is also because I have not yet found the right medium.  That is... until now.

I have dabbled with the idea of performance art. I can get excited about conceptual art. I have taken a lifetime’s worth of photographs, and yet, I have no interest in putting them in galleries. But, there is one art movement that is gaining more and more recognition that genuinely calls to me. It is an art movement that is accepted in the art world, and yet, by its definition, is difficult to commodify. It does not have a clear title, but is often referred to as social practice or participatory art. From Wikipedia: “Participatory art is an approach to making art in which the audience is engaged directly in the creative process, allowing them to become co-authors, editors, and observers of the work. Therefore, this type of art is incomplete without the viewers physical interaction. Its intent is to challenge the dominant form of making art in the West, in which a small class of professional artists make the art while the public takes on the role of passive observer or consumer, i.e., buying the work of the professionals in the marketplace... It may also be categorized under terms including relational art, social practice, community art, and new genre public art. Folk and tribal art are also considered to be "participatory art" in that many or all of the members of the society participate in the making of art. While a painter uses pigment and canvas, and a sculptor wood or metal, the social practice artist often creates a scenario in which the audience is invited to participate. Although the results may be documented with photography, video, or otherwise, the artwork is really the interactions that emerge from the audience's engagement with the artist and the situation."  Here is a quote I found by Andy Horwitz on the site culturebot from his essay on social practice in the context of performance. “...the emergence of social practice as a trend speaks to two fundamental shifts in American culture: one, a broad re-thinking of the role of the arts in society and two, a rejection of corporate capitalism’s demand that citizenship is predicated on being a consumer, not a creator or empowered participant in civic life.” When I first heard about “participatory art” something in me awakened and I knew I had discovered an art form for me. I love its emphasis on altruism and its stance against commodification. Also, I am interested in playing with outsider forms that question the institutional form.

To be continued...

Links to Poetic Truths of Animals, Communication & Health

ZOELAB DAY 60

In writing classes that I’ve taught and taken, we have sometimes used prompts, small pieces of writing by others to get the juices flowing. In this case, I am offering pieces of random news as possible prompts for ideas and for interest. Many of these were found on a blog called shines like gold by Imp Kerr, “an insightful fiend living in New York City” that compiles interesting news on the new inquiry.

A breast cancer detecting bra

Research shows that secrets can be beneficial

A small collection of items about dropped and bounced cats

A Whale learns to speak English and an elephant learns to speak Korean

As we watched tiny yellow butterflies gathering pollen around the yard, Emilio exclaimed, as if offended: “Mamma, they’re not talking!” At first I told him that butterflies don’t talk, and then after a moment of consideration I said, “well maybe they do, they just talk to each other in a language we don’t understand.” Of course he expect animals to talk because they do in his books and movies.

I will end with some beautiful words from the writer and naturalist, Henry Beston:

“For the animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings; they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth.”

Poems on a Theme

ZOELAB 365:  DAY 44

To continue on yesterday’s themes, I want to share three poems.

The first is very well known, and written by the spiritual activist and writer, Marianne Williamson, but is often wrongly attributed to Nelson Mandela as part of his inauguration speech. I was first introduced to this poem by one of my acting teachers many years ago. It spoke to a part of me that had never been spoken to before and has inspired me countless times since. The second is a poem I wrote in response to that poem. The title comes from a women’s artist collective and website called Spun Sugar that I initiated many years ago in NYC, but never came to fruition. The third poem is a poem I wrote while in graduate school that dares  the other (and myself) to not fall for the illusion (a false self) of disempowerment. The latter two poems became lyrics to songs that are as of yet, unfinished.

I made the drawing above while exploring Jungian theory in graduate school. It depicts the feminine archetype that becomes empowered through her connection with nature. By reclaiming the parts of her that were in shadow: her power/animus (the lion), her groundedness/earthiness (the tree), and her femininity/sexuality (the moon) she becomes an integrated, embodied and empowered woman, and therefore: whole.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Song for a Spun Sugar Sister

Planes go high in the sky,

red-winged red birds pass me by.

But, me on them,

me seeing them

makes me large & upwards &

cross-moving.

makes me Chinese-happy,
& sunshine eyes.

My tragic stomach

flittering,

ticking the blood up to my heart.

Don’t be afraid,

in the smoke-stacked circumference

of a tiny world

on tiny hinges

to be great,

to let out the largeness of you.

Don’t be afraid

to put forth

kind & bouncy words

for those ears you care for.

Don’t be afraid

to talk of your unique bible:

soulful & aesthetic

human & genetic.

Don’t be afraid

within the shameful state of things

to be embarrassed

to hold yourself,

to wink at unseen things.

Cuz it’s not what we can swallow,

but what we can chew-on

that gives us acceleration

and initiation.

So, be large, as Marianne says.

Be huge in your dollhouse

and soon you will see

that even those who’ve made you shrink

will suddenly swell.

Don’t Believe

Don’t believe

this face

this ease

this voice.

Don’t believe

this overt tenderness

which caresses you

and mends

your discomfort

with your presence.

I need for you

not to believe

that this is all I am.

I need for you

to pry me out.
I need for you

to know how I have left me.

That there’s a fierceness inside

that aches.

There’s rhythm

in this body.

But not the rhythm you think.

Don’t believe

My voice you hear.

It’s on top of another thing:

A rumbling.

A torn creature.
A fire.

Listen harder

And be bold with me.

Blood bold.

Don’t believe

my fragile escape.

Even this,

I can fake.

Inspiration from Children's Books

ZOELAB DAY 19

The artwork from children’s books has always captivated me and has had a great influence on my aesthetic. One of the great pleasures of parenthood is getting to reenter and share the incredible world children’s books with my child. Luckily, Emilio loves books as much as I do, and loves a lot the same ones. I am also lucky that my mother was kind enough to save my favorite childhood books. Most of which are in their house for Emilio (and me) to read when we visit. Three of which I have removed from their home (sorry mom) and have scanned tonight to share with you. 

Illustration from Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak

There is an ineffable quality that children’s book illustrations have. There’s a sweetness because of the innocence and hopefulness that they convey, and yet at the same time, there is a darkness too, a sense of a larger, mysterious world somewhere lurking. Maurice Sendak illustrates this dichotomy so well in his books. 

Illustration from I am a Bunny by Richard Scarry

This was Lucas’ favorite childhood book, which I didn’t have as a child, but have come to love as an adult. It’s illustrated by Richard Scarry, who was also one of my favorites as a child (as he is to so many). But here, his illustration style is more painterly than the more cartoonish style for which he is known. This is my favorite page from the book--someday I want to make a light box out of it and hang it in our house. 

Illustration from Goodnight Moon by Clement Hurd

This book is a classic of course. The images are still so haunting to me. Again, the dichotomy: the innocence of a child’s play room juxtaposed with the darkness of night approaching. And the colors are so unusual and otherworldly.

On an aesthetic level, this was my favorite book of all. It was given to me by my grandmother, Nana, whose first husband, my Dad’s father, was a communist. The book was published in China in the 1970’s. It was perhaps the instigator to my affinity for Chinese aesthetics and culture (which led to eight years of Chinese language study, and living in China for a semester of college.) The book contains several tales with no words (other than the title) teaching children how to be cooperative. I remember how much the book enchanted me as a child. There was something about the drawings-- the colors, the line quality, the utter cuteness of it all. My love of this book is so special, that I have never been able to adequately qualify it. It was as if the book had been made just for me.  

I have come to believe that each of us has a unique aesthetic that expresses something about our soul. Aesthetics are the language of our soul. When we are children, we are living closest to our souls. I think this is why books or music from our childhood continues to have such a powerful impact on who we are as adults. The best way to inspire ourselves, is to inspire the children we once were/still are.

On Inspiration

ZOELAB DAY 2

To be an artist one needs courage, discipline and an ability to express truth. But to be able to continue to be an artist, one needs to be inspired. 

I also believe: if you want to be an artist, you already are.

Stubbornness helps too. I learned this from a lecture given by Anaïs Nin as transcribed in the book A Woman Speaks, published in 1975. She wrote about how a liberated woman has to be stubborn in order to live the life she really wants to live in spite of the cultural resistance. Anaïs Nin has been an inspiration to me--her intelligence, courage, intellectual curiosity, androgynous mind, aesthetic sophistication, and passion for the arts. I often remember this idea--the importance of being stubborn as a positive thing, as the great protector of the true self, so that your unique voice can be heard. When no one would publish her experimental novels she started her own printing press and published them herself. To continue to be an artist, this is the kind of spirit that is needed.

 Last night I was inspired by Bob Dylan. My husband Lucas just happened to put on No Direction Home, the documentary about Bob Dylan that cuts back and forth between two stories: his story from the beginning, which especially focuses on his musical influences, and then footage of one of Dylan’s concerts when he first went electric. His folk fans felt angry and betrayed by his turning to rock-n-roll and had no problem expressing it. When he performed, he had to block out the audience’s boo’s. He had to believe in his right to make the music he wanted despite the lack of support he received. He was being stubborn.

The last time I watched this same documentary, six years ago, was the night before an important performance where I was to share my quirky, imperfect rock songs with my classmates in graduate school. It wasn’t a music class, but a class about the power of the arts in the context of Expressive Arts Therapy. I have always appreciated music deeply, and play guitar, write songs and sing, but I am very insecure about performing music in front of others. Watching Bob Dylan shrug off the booing of his supposed fans had a powerful impact on me. I realized that I couldn’t let my inner critic who was worrying about other’s judgment prevent me from sharing my music.

When it comes to being an artist, or to self-actualizing in any way, you do what you need to do. So what I did was bring some outfits so I could do a costume change, I experimented with playing a character. I got through my fear with play and performance. That’s what Bob Dylan does, he plays the character in the song. Or the character he’s inspired by in that moment. That’s what being creative is: use of self. The archetype/sub personality enters when it is called for. 

Last night it was the younger, visionary Bob Dylan that inspired me. He inspires others because he is inspired. He was inspired by Woody Gutherie, Odetta, and many other artists, and by his desire to tell stories. He helped me to realize you owe it to yourself and the world to be who you are, and not to hold back. He had a voice he believed in, even when others didn’t. It is not up to us to question our voices. It is up to us to get our of our way so that the voice can be heard.

When I was studying acting, I was very passionate about the Meisner technique.  Joe Anania, my most beloved acting teacher, would call out to us while we did our repetition exercises “trust yourself!” and “get out of your own way!” I still hear his dramatic voice in my ear when I need to. Luckily his voice is loud and can sometimes drown out the critic’s.

Last night, after my first day of publishing ZOELAB, my inner critic had a lot of negative stuff to say about it, as he (my inner critic happens to be male) often does when I put myself out there, perform or take up space. (In this case I am taking up webspace.) I even considered shutting down the whole project. But after watching Bob Dylan, I realized this project is something I have to do. Sure it’s scary, and vulnerable, and I have no idea what it will be like or how it will be received, but I have come to believe all worthwhile things in life start out kind of scary, and usually end up being a lot of hard work, but if I commit to it, with all that I can, the satisfaction and growth that comes from it is well worth all of that because it takes me to somewhere new. 

As I wrote in my commitment statement, I want to be inspired and inspire others. According to the etymology dictionary, inspire means: "to fill (the mind, heart, etc., with grace, etc.);" also "to prompt or induce (someone to do something)," from O.Fr. enspirer (13c.), from L. inspirare "inflame; blow into" (see inspiration).” Inspiration also means breath. I like to think of it as an integral part of the creative process. In order to create you need to breathe in, fill the mind and heart with that which it loves, and then when you breathe out, you express that which needs to be expressed. A few years ago when I was trying to find a way to define myself as an artist, which felt and continues to feel, impossible, I came up with an idea of making a photoshop collage of the female artists that most inspired the kind of artist I wanted to be/already am, also reflecting all the creative outlets/media that I am most drawn to--writing (memoir in particular), music, (rock-n-roll in particular), comedy performance (improv and sitcoms in particular), social/experiential/performance art, filmmaking. I just realized there are no photographers or visual artists on there. Maybe I need to add one to the collage. I am also becoming interested in Marina Abramovic. I want to watch the documentary about her called The Artist is Present. 

(POSTSRIPT: After learning more about Marina Abromovic. I would most definitely add her to this inspiration collage.)

Here is the list:

Anaïs Nin

Bjork

Carrie Brownstein

Tina Fey

Sophie Calle

Miranda July

Lucille Ball

Shawn Marshall (of Cat Power)

The image at the top of this entry is that collage, which I called Manifest Destiny. (Postscript: Later, upon realizing the negative connotation of the term, I changed it to Womanifest Destiny.) I put it on my wall and look at it and remember what I am inspired by and therefore why I want to be an artist. After all, if I want to be an artist, I already am.  I am going to make Inspiration a theme on my upcoming Theme Page.

Tell me, who inspires you?