Museletter #2 - The Importance of a Daily Creative Practice

July 25 2017

(Date of Original Museletter)

I want to share with you today about the importance of a daily creative practice.

Some of you know that I have been struggling with writing my story for three years now. There are two ways that I tend to look at it. Well, there are more ways than that, but I want to focus on the main two ways. One way is to see my project as a struggle. To focus on the idea that I am not writing more than I am writing. To focus on the fear, the sense of inadequacy, and the attachment I have to how the book will turn out, to how it will be received. Will I find a publisher? Will I be able to reach thousands or even millions of readers? How will I ever figure out to tell a story that I am still living? How will I survive revealing myself in such a raw way? What makes me think I have the right to share my story when so many others do not? These are the questions that the critic is ready to shove into the spaces created by self-doubt.

The other way I look at it, is this: to focus, instead, on the work. To trust the process, and have faith in the mystery of creativity and to just show up every day for myself in the practice.

Here is the bad news: there is no shortcut to the work. There is no special pill, coach, method or system that will make the work happen. There really is only one way to get something done, and there is no way around it. The work is the hard part. The work is the un-glamorous part. The work is the part where you have to excuse yourself from dinner parties and shut yourself in your room even when everyone else is going to the beach. The work is the part where you blindly believe in yourself, or what you are doing even if you have no idea where you are going or how you are going to get there. The work is about living in uncertainty and putting your focus on the task. The work is about showing up for yourself every day. Even if you show up for just 15 minutes. Even if you didn’t do anything good for that 15 minutes. Even if you don’t feel inspired. Even if you feel depressed or tired. Even if you hate your project that day. Even if your critic says you aren’t a real artist/writer/musician/fill in the blank. Even if you feel lost. Even if you’d suddenly, for some reason, after months of ignoring it, suddenly desperately want to tackle organizing your kitchen shelves.

Here is the good news: I give you permission to let your kitchen stay messy for 15 minutes longer. (Or in my case: 15 weeks longer).

I have a simple mantra that I use to help me remember how to return to work:

To get to work, get into the work.

This mantra heads us back into the process, the actual doing. I have found that even if I am resisting working on a project, the pressure is relieved when we let the work become a practice.

For example, last month, as I found myself having more free time, I felt this enormous pressure to return to writing my book, but I was terrified, and out of practice. I felt lost and daunted by the task. I decided to what I usually do: I committed to writing everyday for 15 minutes for the month of June, but at first that commitment still had a lot of pressure around it. I still waffled and wondered with all the questions. But then as I kept up my daily writing practice, I realized the exercise was more about getting me back into writing. It was a warm up exercise. It was an oiling the machine exercise. Sometimes I wrote 15 minutes of boring free associative writing. Sometimes I wrote a whole poem. Sometimes I wrote memories from my life to add to my book. Sometimes I made lists of essay ideas. Sometimes I wrote down all my fears. The point is that I had to just keep going, no matter how I felt. No matter what came out. I had taken the pressure off of how good it had to be, or even what I wrote about. All that mattered was that I did it. And after one month of practicing (nearly) every day (I missed 2 days of my practice, and I forgave myself and then just returned to the practice the next day), writing has become easier again. My thoughts are flowing. My ability to communicate (across the board) has increased. Instead of my true self being trapped inside a small box, which is how I often feel in the world. My true self is knocking at my door every morning, and can't wait to be let out. I actually look forward to writing now. And I often stay for longer than 15 minutes. Much longer. I am more compassionate. More awake to the necessity of my creative self. My book now feels possible, even if there is still so much uncertainty. I am learning to live with it, and write anyway.

Even if your main thing is not writing, I highly recommend a 15 minute writing practice as therapy, or as a way to connect with your creativity. Or, if writing really is not your thing, then I recommend committing to a 15 minute daily practice of doing anything creative, as a warm up, as a way to get you out of perfectionism and the endless reasons why you can’t create.

In other words, if you feel stuck with your creativity, with your paintings, your book, your songs, your dance, your films, your sculptures, then paint, write, sing, dance, video and sculpt your way back into your work. Do not attempt to think your way back in, as I can tell you, it doesn't work. Your mind will always come up with more reasons not to work.

I am so excited to share with you that this summer, in addition to writing my book, recording my songs, and organizing my house, I am developing my first online creativity course. Jumpstart Your Creativity in 30 Days, September 2017. The backbone of the course will be committing to a daily creative practice. There will also be downloadable meditations, creativity coaching exercises, art therapy & art journaling assignments. Additionally, there will be a Facebook community, email support, daily prompts, encouragement and feedback from me. I will also be offering my individual coaching services for additional support. I cannot wait to share it all with you, and to live out one of my missions: to help others make their art & be true to their creativity. Pricing & Details will be available soon.

What are your creative commitments and practices? What is holding you back?

Write me an email and share with me your story, your dreams, projects & struggles.

Love & Creativity,

Zoë

Museletter #1

June 25, 2017 (original date)

Happy Summer! Summer is a special time here in Baja, because it has something in common with winter. Not weather-wise, of course, summer here is hot, humid, buggy & rife with threatening storms. And long, lasting from July-October. We live off the grid, with no air-conditioning, but just enough solar power for a fan (which is something we did not have for the first few years living here). What feels like winter in Baja Summer is that it tends to be a time away from the outdoors, and from the social realm. It is a time of inner-reflection and of storing-up. Whatever money, projects or connections that were made in the winter season, need to be stored up during the summer, when tourism and activity comes to a hault. It’s a time of slowing down, of returning to the senses, of life being dictated by the weather.

Living in nature for the past 8 years of my life (after 35 years of living in cities) I have discovered the importance of honoring seasons and cycles. The more I am aware of the context of living within a certain season, the more compassionate I am towards moods (mine and others), the pace of productivity and self-care. Seasonal thinking gives us an understanding of how nature affects us, both within and without, and that we must learn to honor the limitations or structures that nature creates.

Today, in my 15 minute daily writing practice, which I committed for this month of June, as a way to write myself back into my book, I asked the question:

What is your art rebellion?

This is what came next:

My art rebellion is my commitment to two things:
revealing process & siding with no one part of Self.

And then a whole poem emerged.

Sometimes, just the right question opens us up to deeper layers of truth in our writing. Which brings me to the book I am reading now: Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, PhD. As with all remarkable & transformative books, I am reading this book slowly. Savoring each sentence. Underlining often. Not wanting to move forward until I have fully digested each idea. I see how this book might be the feminist companion to The Hero With a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell’s brilliant and poetic synthesis that reveals how all myth and story are human medicine. I’ve only just started Women Who Run With the Wolves, so I dare not say too much, but I will share this: Estés' premise is that women and girls need to relate to the wild woman archetype, for the survival of our souls, for the purpose of wholeness. Through relating to the wild woman archetype, we nurture and allow our instinctive & creative nature to live. This I believe wholeheartedly. Estés has offered us a gift with her multifaceted map of the female psyche, and with it, I suddenly have a name and landing place for my symbolic artwork and a new understanding of my my compulsion to reveal shadow and my insistence on creating rock-and-roll. I have been given a new perspective in the form of poetry & stories to help me navigate my journey, which will helps me write my book, which, in turn, will inspire others to heal and transform through the telling of their stories. The cycle of human evolution is hopefully a spiral that moves us forward a little bit each time, even as it also takes us back into our history. The story is the vehicle of evolution.

In her chapter on how to confront the inner intruder of the psyche, as expressed in the tale of Bluebeard (symbolized by a murderous husband), Estés shows us that the key to challenging the self-saboteur, the part of us that is threatened by the emergence of the true self, with its wild instincts intact, is: asking questions. Asking the question that awakens the shadow truth within. It is not only about asking the question, but also the courage to face and hold what one discovers.

What questions do you need to ask in order to for you to get closer to your own wild nature?

For me, writing has always been a form of inquiry, and of making space for truth. It has been a space to allow my own wildness as well as mystery. If you want to start writing, or return to writing, if you want to get closer to your truth, I recommend writing everyday for 15 minutes with out holding back. Write freely, with no editing or even adherence to traditional grammar. It is here, between the cracks of correctness that we find our instincts. Try it, and let me know how it goes.

Love & Creativity,

Zoë

QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

““Asking the proper question is the central action of transformation—in fairy tales, in analysis, and in individuation… questions are the keys that cause the secret doors of the psyche to swing open… The ability to stand what one sees enables a woman to return to her deep nature, there to be sustained in all thoughts, feelings, and actions.””

— Clarissa Pinkola Estés, PhD, from Women Who Run With the Wolves

Start From Where You Are & That Which Hinders Your Task is Your Task

Dear Creative Crusader,

I’ve been thinking about creative blocks lately. It’s the theme for the second week for my online creativity intensive. 

Over the years, I’ve experienced and worked through a lot of blocks to my creativity and I’ve helped a lot of other people with theirs. I’ve used my creativity, my expressive arts therapy training and techniques from my study of the arts to work through these blocks.

There are so many kinds of blocks, and so many creative ways we can work through or with our blocks. We can work through them on the mental level—questioning our beliefs. We can work through them on the physical level—relaxing the body, deep breathing. We can work through them on the emotional level—acting as compassionate witness to our inner resistances, like fear. We can work through them on the spiritual level—opening up the channel of our creativity to a higher source, and relinquishing the smaller self. 

I have tried all of these, and they have all have worked for me depending on what the particular block is, and my current relationship to it.

But, there’s one method of unblocking that never fails and is applicable to all situations. It doesn’t require any special equipment or knowledge. You don’t need to spend a lot of time with it. And it is always available. 

START FROM WHERE YOU ARE

That’s it. It’s really that simple.

What does it mean?

It means checking in with yourself and asking yourself honestly, in this moment, what do I feel? What do I want? 

And if the answer is: I’m blocked.

Then what do you do? You start from that place.

You create from that place. You feel into the block. You get curious about the block.You use your imagination to imagine the size, the shape, the color, the weight of the block. You draw the block. You dance the block. You speak to the block. You describe the block with your words. 

And then something is starting to happen. It may be a very small something. It may feel insignificant. But, I can tell you, it’s not. It’s very, very important. Because you it's a way of seeing that your creativity is always there, it’s just that you have not been able to see it. You can't use it if you don't acknowledge it. Acknowledging what is happening in the moment is the first spark of your creativity. 

Still feel a wall between you and your creativity?

Draw the wall. Mime your hands up the wall. Write an ode to the wall. What does it feel like to touch? How has the wall served you? 

You may soon be laughing. Or if not, maybe you are crying. At least creating something.

Go ahead, and laugh. Or cry. And then get curious about what happens next…
 

There is only one thing I can teach.

I can teach people how to look within to access the resources they already have. 

The resources are:

creativity

curiosity

compassion

consciousness

We all have those resources and they are endlessly renewable and free. We don’t need a new app or an upgrade or a class. We just need to learn how to look.

There is another phrase I am fond of saying:
 

THAT WHICH HINDERS YOUR TASK IS YOUR TASK

It’s a different way of saying the same thing.

This phrase comes from Sanford Meisner, the great acting teacher. For two years, I trained in his methodology, not under him, but with two teachers who had trained with him. My teacher posted this phrase in large letters on the wall of our acting studio. It summed up everything we needed to know about Meisner's method.

The technique Meisner developed was called the repetition technique. The basic idea is to have two actors sit on the stage, in chairs, facing each other. The actors take turns making simple observations about each other. "You're smiling." The other actor repeats the statement, "Yes, I'm smiling." The repetition goes back and forth until the statement no longer feels true, or until one of the actors notices something new that is happening either in herself or in the other.

A photo from my Meisner class with Joe Anania, in the late 90's. That's me, all in black.

The technique is about staying connected to the emotional truth of the moment, and riding those emotions as they change. Many years later, I trained for 3 years to become an expressive arts therapist. I consider my earlier Meisner training an invaluable part of my training as a therapist. And it was essentially the same thing—a training in emotional presence. In connecting with the truth of the moment, and allowing oneself to let go of the former moment in favor of what’s happening right now. 

You don’t need to train in the Meisner technique or as an expressive arts therapist, to make use of this concept. All you need to do is drop in, at any moment, to the truth of your experience. That is where your real and authentic self is. Your self is not a thing, but a process. You are not a noun, you are a verb. 

I think it is safe for you to try this at home. 

Get comfortable in your chair. Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths and check in with yourself: What do I feel right now? What am I aware of? Whatever first hit you get— a pain in your shoulder, a fluttering in your chest, an image of a blank page. Create something out of it. Let the dots connect from one moment to the next. If you get frustrated because your cousin drops in unexpectedly as you are creating, then, by all means, invite your cousin into what you are doing.

That which hinders your task is your task.

Love & Creativity,

Zoë

The 2019 January Art Journaling/Blogging Challenge is Here!

Join me on Tuesday, January 1st 2019 for my third January Art Journal Challenge!

I am thrilled to be offering my Third January Art Journal Challenge. This creative challenge combines Art Journaling and Blogging. Meaning, if you choose to join this challenge, you can pick one of these daily practices, or both—alternating between the two, however you feel inclined to do it. In some cases your art journaling practice might become a digitized blog post. 

If you do not have a blog, but have always wanted to start one, this is a great opportunity for you to get your blog jump started. In fact, this challenge was inspired by my first blogging project, ZOELAB 365, where I committed to blogging every day for a year in order to lift myself out of postpartum depression. And let me tell you, it worked. That year was the most creatively fulfilling of my life, and planted the seeds for the many inspiring projects I am now doing out in the world.

This year, I am offering the challenge as a pay to play. For only $1 A Day, $31 in total, you will receive:

1) Access to the private Facebook Group only for the Challenge Participants

2) Daily journal/blog prompts or creative assignments designed to help deepen your connection to your intuition & creative flow

3) Daily inspiration

4) Daily Support from Zoë - you will get feedback from your posts, answers to your questions and other forms of guidance

5) Support form the community of people also doing this challenge

6) A chance to win a free 90 minute coaching discovery session with Zoë! For all who complete the challenge, send Zoë an email by February 2 stating that you completed all 31 days of the challenge. The winner will be chosen at random on February 3rd.

How does the 31 Day Art Journal Challenge work?

1) Sign up here. It’s $31 for the month of January.

2) Once you have signed up, you will receive an email from me with a link to the private Facebook Group.

3) Starting on January 1st, 2019! You will receive a prompt and/or creative assignment every day in the Facebook Group. If you are not a Facebook user, you can still do the challenge. The prompts & assignments can be emailed to you. However, you will not be able to participate in the group experience or receive feedback.

4) Complete the prompts either in your journal or on your computer (if you are blogging) or alternate between the digital and analogue. I recommend an 8.5 x 11 blank journal. You can order a journal like the one you see on the right, here. Use whatever supplies appeal to you. For some prompts certain supplies may be suggested.

5) Another exciting option is that you can participate in the Sketchbook Project at the Brooklyn Art Library in conjunction with this challenge. Sign up for the Sketchbook Project by January 9th, by buying a sketch book from them, which you can complete as part of this challenge. After you are done, mail your filled sketchbook for them to keep in their library, which features the largest collection of sketchbooks in the world!

5) Feel free to post your art journal pages, blog posts (from the challenge), questions, process, or anything that relates the topic of art journaling and blogging in the Facebook group. That is your space to connect with others as well as with me.

6) If you enjoy posting your pages on social media, please use the hashtag: #31dayjournalblogchallengejan19

I imagine everyone's reasons for joining this challenge will be varied. It may be because you want to get back into your writing and/or your art again in a daily way. You may just be to learn about art journaling. For some, it may be an opportunity to have a quiet moment to connect with yourself. And for others, it might a wild time to experiment, with no goal other than to unleash your creativity. And for all of us, hopefully, it is simply a way to practice and increase self connection and love! You may discover some new reasons along the way.

For me, this year's challenge is about three things:

1) To promote the inspiring, creative & healthy practice of art journaling and blogging

2) To build online community through creativity and authentic connection

3) To promote the practice of self connection

What is art journaling?

Art Journaling is a process that combines visual art (drawing, painting, collage, or photography) and words. Art Journaling can consist of intimate journal entries, poetry, doodling, hand lettering, free associative writing, list-making, goal-setting and planning. Putting those two aspects of our experience together on the same page: visual and verbal is the common ground for all art journaling.

My version of art journaling is unique in that it combines techniques, theories, and assignments from my work as an expressive arts therapist and creativity coach. For the past six years, I have been teaching Art Journal Lab, a class that combines these techniques, in Todos Santos, Mexico, near where I live. I teach people the tools, philosophy and basic skills they need to interact with the different parts of self, which I refer to as the inner family of self. I create a structure that makes it possible to connect to the invisible parts that we feel, but don’t always acknowledge or express.

You do not have to be a trained artist or serious writer to do art journaling. Anyone who can pick up a pen or pencil and has a blank book can do art journaling. There are no special supplies that are necessary, though I will be sharing some of my favorite tools during the challenge. One of my life's missions is to show how everyone is creative, and that the arts were meant to be used by all of humanity as a tool to discover the soul, and to engage in life in a more balanced, compassionate way. Through our engagement with the arts, we are able to make space for expressing the darkness, the unconscious parts of the Self, instead of acting those parts out on others. It is particularly this, this engagement with the shadow (the parts of us we do not see or do now want to see, or feel) that is the creative gold of this work. When we have the courage to bring our light of consciousness to our own shadow, we are able to unearth our previously buried psychic energy so we can make use of even our darkest pain.

What is blogging?

As many of us know, the reasons and ways to blog can vary greatly. It can be a tool to promote business, a way to keep track of your travels or other kinds of adventures, or a way to promote and share your creative work, political ideas, or simply to connect with your inner life. Whether it is for your business, for personal, or political expression, I believe a successful blog always stems from personal truth. If your business or your politics has no degree of personal connection for you, then perhaps you already have a great topic to or journal or blog about why this is so.

The most difficult and most important part of what it means to blog, or even journal, is that it is regular. It is also, as many bloggers will attest, the key to success. (Success = getting readers to read your blog.) From my experiences with daily practices, which is something I promote in my art journal lab class, as well as personally, I have come to believe in the amazing power of creating a daily practice, especially something that helps you connect with yourself, with the invisible world, feelings and other parts of us that we usually work hard to avoid, push down or unconsciously act out on others. These types of inward-directed daily practices keep us holistically healthy because they keep us connected to something true and deep in us.  These kinds of daily practices have helped me out depression, anxiety, a sense of loss, relationship issues, and more. They have helped me enormously with my creativity as an artist and as a mom and human being—when you do something daily, it forces you to be more creative with it—otherwise you get bored. We tend to look for new ways, new approaches when we know we have to do it everyday. 

So, use the term blogging however you feel connected to it—my definition is as follows:

To share words and images (hopefully self-generated) online about any topic, as long as it has has meaning or importance to you personally. One additional other feature: it must be dated for it to be a blog post, otherwise it is just a webpage. The date makes it time-connected, and therefore, applicable to a certain moment of time for you. This is the same for art journaling.

I love blogging because it delivers a sense of immediacy that appeals to the performer in me. Blogging is a digital performance—the act of baring a personal truth, an art piece, or just a slice of life, with others, sometimes strangers, sometimes not, brings me a certain thrill. If it doesn’t feel thrilling, a tiny bit risky, I usually don’t blog about it. For each of us the thrill will come for different reasons, in different areas. What is risky for me may not feel risky for you. And so it is very much up to you to come up with your own topics to write about. A blog post can be very simple or complex. There is no rule in this department. A blog post might simply be sharing a photograph you took that day and sharing a little caption or small story or sentence that explains it. Other times a blog post might be a highly informative piece that is designed to help and/or inside others learn a specific skill (EG: this post you are reading now.) Some blog posts have taken me 15 minutes to create, others have taken many hours. Neither is better than the other—the beauty of blogging is that it keeps going. We can’t get to hung up on our last blog post, because we are already thinking about our next one! This represents the natural flow of life. We cannot afford to get perfectionistic about our daily practices, they are designed for us to make mistakes, and to learn and grow from them, that is why they are practices. If you think of your blog or your art journaling as a practice and it will help you let go of the inner critic.

The reasons I host creative challenges it to help connect people to their creativity, passion and personal truth. Doing something every day creates a new habit that is affirming and helps you grow--expanding your sense of authentic self that you bring into the world. It is most certainly a challenge to do something everyday with out fail. But it is also very rewarding, and the sense of accomplishment from completing a whole month with a daily creative practice is a real thrill.

I can't wait to see what it might do for you!

Love & Creativity,

Zoë

Making a Mess

ZOËLAB DAY 115

Date of Original Post: December 12, 2012

Yesterday Emilio was outside working on the patio, something was getting his attention long enough for him to be playing for half an hour by himself, which is a rare occurrence, but it happens. When I saw him working, before I said anything, I just observed for a minute and noticed that his blackboard easel was covered in a thin layer of mud. I also noticed that there were piles of dirt all over the patio floor. I watched him take the black board eraser, dip it in a bucket of muddy water, and then rub it carefully all over the blackboard. He was, in a sense, cleaning the chalkboard--he was erasing chalk with mud. After a minute of working, Emilio suddenly became aware of my presence, he instantly became nervous and said with great concern: “Mamma, don’t mess this up. This is a project I’m working on and I’m not done yet.” He was clearly working hard, because with children, play is work. And yes, he was making an incredible mess of a place that I had been in the process of cleaning and clearing, and the sink in the bathroom was covered in dirt, the soap was encrusted in small rocks and dirt, but I didn’t say anything because I could tell how meaningful his project was to him. And I’ve got to have respect for people’s projects even if they do make a mess--what kind of creativity teacher would I be if I told my students it wasn’t okay to make a mess. Making a mess--whether physical or emotional--is an integral part of creativity. “I said okay, I won’t “mess it up,” (meaning: ‘clean it up.’) “I won’t do anything to until you’re done.” He said “okay, thanks,” and seemed relieved.

Ten minutes later he decided he wanted to go inside, and do something else, so he went to the sink to wash his hands, and when I tried to wash his hands with the soap that he had encrusted, outraged, he said: “No! That soap’s dirty! I don’t want to wash my hands with that soap.” I threw my hands up and sighed. What else could I do but laugh?

The next day, he continued with his project, and warned me still not to clean it up. And I obliged, until Lucas intervened on behalf of the sink. If he got anymore dirt in it it would start to clog. I still hadn’t quite had the heart to clean it up. Instead I took another photo of it today. I also feel I can’t really blame him for thinking it’s okay to make a mess in this room: it’s part pretty bathroom, with a 1920’s porcelain sink, painted mirror and stacking wooden shelves wrapped in chinese newspaper, and part ugly bodega: unpainted cement walls, rough cement floors, with a metal bodega door.

After the mud project outside, I gave Emilio a project inside: to erase my dry erase board with spray bottle and paper towels which he took to with great concentration.

To Do

ZOËLAB DAY 99

Date of original post: December 8, 2012

This is my to do list for the day.

One day I made a heading to a list called House Projects, and Emilio drew on it before I ever made the rest of the list. I saved it because I find it beautiful and funny, and also because it’s a reminder that life should not always be about to do lists. I can be a little much with all my to do lists. Sometimes it is better not to accomplish anything and just be. Lately, I have been off balance. Trying to do too much, with too little time to relax, to be in a receptive mode, which is an integral part of the creative process. 

Emilio is is now making to do lists. Sometimes he takes a pen and a piece of paper and says that he needs to make a list. He looks up thinking about what he will put on his list, and then he scribbles word like images on his page. Through imitation, children are the best reflector of our habits.

How To Paint A Mural

This summer, a man named Carlos Gutierrez decided to organize a mural project in the park across from the school in Pescadero and invited the Baja 100 Artists to participate. His mission is to bring Pescadero more vitality and attention to this little Mexican town, 15 minutes away from the much more famous Todos Santos. I immediately said yes with out knowing what I would do or how I would do it. Then I panicked. What would I do? How would I do it?

Elias Calles Kinder Mural Project 2014

I do have some previous experience with murals. The first was when I organized the students of the kinder in my town of Elias Calles (less than 100 people) to create a kinder-garden themed mural. Kids as plants, flowers and trees. I did that with out having ever put paint to a wall, in Spanish. It took us a whole school year to do it. It all started in 2014, when Hurricane Odile blew the roof off the outdoor classroom. I had already been volunteering art classes with the kids, and I decided it was time to get the mural project that I had been dreaming of off the ground. It took a category 4 hurricane to stir up my courage. I decided to create a bilingual public storytelling event, Mariposa Night, in Todos Santos, where people would share their stories of the storm, and we would also raise money to fix the school. We didn’t raise enough money to fix the roof, but we did raise enough money to paint the inside and outside of the bodega, which would became their new classroom. And thus my first mural project was born. The next year, I discovered it had been painted over in white. (For more about my experiences with my kinder art project, click here. )

Last year, for Día de Muertos in Todos Santos, I was invited to particpate in a group mural project headed by Miguel Ochoa (the owner of Hotel Casa Tota across the street) and Michael Cope (painter, gallerist & chef) - to paint the wall of the Cultural Center with a series of Calaveras (skulls). The basic design was given to me—all I had to do was decide on the colors and the details. I worked all day, it was exhausting but exhilarating. I had no idea when I started if I could pull it off, but I did.

But this new mural project was more daunting. I was to come up with my own design in my own section of wall. The overall theme of the project is the town of Pescadero, a small modest fishing town, but instead of going for the ocean theme, I decided to do the garden idea again, featuring only indigenous Baja plants. Ever since I moved here, I have fallen in love with drawing plants. I started the mural two weeks ago, and I will be finishing this weekend. I have been making many mistakes along the way, because my methodology of working is really no methodology. I like to dive in, improvise and learn by all the mistakes I make along the way. My style may not be the most efficient, but I like doing things that way. It makes me feel free and open. So I’ve decided to share with you the top 10 things I learned from this project and share some images of my process.

Here are my top 16 lessons, many of which I learned the hard way:

1. Start as early in the morning as possible to beat the sun, the heat and the onlookers.

2. Bring a snack and plenty of drinking water so you don’t have to have leave your spot when you get hungry and thirsty.

3. Bring a sunhat and sunglasses and if possible, a large umbrella for shade.

4. Bring plenty of water & a rag to rinse out your brushes.

5. You can do a mural with basic house paint in the colors red, blue, yellow, black and white - it’s so fun to mix your own colors!

6. Make sure you bring cups for mixing paints that are large enough to dip your larger brushes into.

7. Paint dries darker, so make sure you mix a color slightly lighter.

8. Be aware if you’re wearing sunglasses with a tint! Make sure you check your colors with sunglasses off! In my case, I was wearing sunglasses with a yellow tint (my personal favorite) All my colors looked better to me with through my sunglasses.

9. A black sharpie looks fantastic if you like to create black outlines, like I do. It’s much easier to manage than a thin paintbrush. Make sure you bring a few, as they get damaged with a bumpy wall.

10. If you do use a black sharpie, make sure you draw after you paint, otherwise you will have to draw twice.

11. Paint your background first! Otherwise you will have to painstakingly have to paint around every little detail. (Can you tell I learned this the hard way?)

12. Bring a pencil too - to sketch out the mural

13. The natural bumps of a wall add nice character to your lines, rather than going for perfect and straight. Let go of perfectionism!

14. Make sure you pick a subject that you love and if you don’t know how to paint something, don’t be afraid to copy from photographs or even other drawings.

15. Use actual living plants (or people or things) for inspiration, if you can, and if not, bring photos or drawings.

16. If painting intimidates you, remember painting a mural can just be like drawing on a wall and then filling in your lines with paint.

17. Don’t worry if you make a mistake. You can easily paint over anything and do it again!

Happy painting!

Zoë's Mediterranean Salad

Well this is a first for me. My very first blog post about food. It's not that I don't love eating or love talking about food, but I have never loved writing about food. It's one of a few subjects that doesn't really grab me. But, I've been receiving so many requests lately by my friends who live in Baja, where it's still hot, who are looking for ideas of recipes they can make with out cooking. So I have decided I am finally going to share my famous chickpea salad recipe that I invented about 12 years ago, and have been perfecting ever since.

It all started in Oakland, when my friend Marie came over for lunch and I made several different Mediterranean-inspired dishes - fava bean salad, tabouli, greek salad. There were a lot of leftovers, and I combined them and thought, wow, that's even more delicious! For the first several years of making this dish I used whole wheat couscous, until I realized that it was much easier to find rice in Baja, and it tasted even better with rice.  

So here is the current version of this salad. It's a one pot meal, as they say, which is fabulous to take to picnics and potlucks. And includes all the food groups (except meat). You can omit the feta cheese if you want, and then it's a vegan meal too! 

Oh, and I must mention this is one of my all time favorite meals that my whole family loves.

Zoë's Chopped Mediterranean Salad

(serves 4-6 as a main dish, with lots of leftovers)

1. 1 cup rice (White or Brown) 

2. 3 cans chickpeas (depending on taste)

3. 1 cucumber, peeled

4. 1 red pepper

5. 1 yellow pepper

6. A few handfuls of cherry tomatoes halved (or chopped tomatoes)

7. 1 green apple (other varieties will do as well)

8. 1 sweet white onion

9. 1 bunch of green onions

10. 1 bunch of finely chopped parsley

11. 1 bunch of finely chopped mint

12. 1 - 2 lemons (depending on taste)

13. Feta Cheese (optional if you are vegan) (amount to taste)

14. Olive Oil

15. Chopped toasted almonds

16. Cayenne (optional)

Cook the rice ahead of time and let cool completely. Drain the chickpeas and rinse. Chop all ingredients into bite size cubes and throw them into a large bowl. Mix them completely and then add olive oil and lemon to taste. Keep stirring and keep tasting until you are pleased with the balance. Add plenty of salt and pepper and I love a bit of cayenne as well. Serve with the toasted almonds on the side, as you will have leftovers and the almonds should not be left mixed with the salad lest they become soggy. If you serve it the next day, I recommend squeezing additional lemon on right before you eat it as the acid mellows over time.

Of course there are endless variations on this dish, but I recommend you try this recipe first and then start substituting and playing. Feel free to comment below with your substitutions.

For those of you who live in Southern Baja, I recommend the feta cheese from El Sol market. It's in the fridge, in the cheese section. It comes in an unlabelled clear plastic container, and it's local and delicious. One container should be enough for one dish.

Zoë + The Mischief: Notes from California Mini Tour

We decided to go on a minitour to California. I took this photo from the dashboard 9 years ago when I was pregnant with Emilio on a hot date night in town.

A quick little roadside photoshoot on the Baja drive.

An ominous sign at the Tijuana border crossing

Pre-gig photoshoot with Jules Nation in front of Froggy's

Opening act Christopher Hawley

Rock Star/Ethnomusicologist Dave Novak and his kid Finn warming up the drums

A joyful reunion with Jen Gherardi, the drummer from Social Service, my first band

Dan Levenson, my LA art star friend in red

A full look of the Froggy's stage

Novak Gherardi Clan

First time with a fan on stage. I'm hooked.

Johnny Nation

Jules & Johnny Nation and band

Some major road work right outside during our gig.

Next stop: San Jose, California

Mio's new thrift store look. He fancies himself manager.

Rocking out with Tara Mechani

Posing with Dana Albany, Tara's creator

Mio, Dana & an Airplane

Showing off the merch the next day.

What's a band tour with out a seedy motel?

One of many LA thrift store visits! Goodies But Oldies.

For several years now, I've held a dream in my heart. That my band would go on tour - first to the US, and eventually other parts of the world. Now that Zoë + The Mischief is a duo - me on vocals and guitar, and Lucas on drums, the idea of a tour is less daunting. Just us, and Emilio, in a vehicle, hopefully, a van.

After I told Lucas about my dream of going on tour, he decided to make it a shared dream, and to do everything he could to help me make it happen. (Yes, I married well and I am grateful.) So this summer, we decided to drive up from southern Baja to do a mini tour in California, as a trial run. It was a bit of a last minute decision, so we didn't have a lot of time to plan. We had to scrounge and borrow money. We spent our savings. We contacted every one we knew in California, and tried to set something up. It was like jumping off a cliff. I really had no idea if we could really pull it off. But in the end, we did it. We packed up our equipment and our son, and drove 1200 miles from Southern Baja up to LA and then to the Bay Area.

Our friend Jules, of Jules and Johnny Nation (who I met at my very first gig in Todos Santos, a locals' music night that Tim Lang created when it was announced locals were not allowed to play at theTodos Santos Music Festival, 5 years ago) came through for us and created a three act event at Froggy's in Topanga Canyon, California. Froggy's was just our style. Unique, large, full of vintage furniture, dusty, and in between owners. It used to be the town hall. A local woman made delicious tamales and gazpacho to sell at the event, but sold out of food within 10 minutes. It felt like we were home. The gig was on July 7th, which happened to be the hottest night of the year. And there was no A/C. We had to keep the door closed because a waterline burst on the street in front of the venue and there were men with jackhammers working through out the night. Luckily, there was a fan on stage with us. I loved the feeling of the fan blowing my hair while I sweated over my guitar. I felt like I was in a Beyoncé video. A fan is going to have to be a new must for me on stage. 

I was so excited to have close friends from college, grad school & even preschool there for our show. I was ecstatic to be reunited with Jen Gherardi, the drummer for my former band, Social Service, who was there with her whole family. Also, my friend Laurie, who was hosting us at her house in LA, and who has been my friend since we were three was also there with her whole family. I dedicated When I Grow Up to her daughter Mia, who was the inspiration for that song.  

Our next gig was in San Jose, California. A few months back we met Dana Albany at the wedding of our friends Sam & Holly (where I was DJing as well as assisting Lucas with the photography.) Dana, who is an artist, told me about her latest sculpture, Tara Mechani, a 15 foot Thai Goddess Boddhisatva Robot. She is representative of peace, and the coming together of the ancient and the cutting edge. As soon as I saw Tara, I knew that I had to do a performance next to her. We got in touch with the San Jose Department of Cultural Affairs, and then it was set as a public gig! 

After a quick thrift store stop (we had to go to every thrift store possible) and a new look, Emilio decided he would be band manager. He didn't realize it would involve doing anything other than sitting around looking cool in his new thrift store clothes and chewing gum.

After the first few songs, my Fender Blues Jr. amp dies (which had been my amp for 15 years, Lucas gave it to me as a gift back when we lived in Brooklyn) so I have to plug in directly to the PA. Luckily, we had just gotten ourselves the PA speakers, otherwise there would have been no rock and roll.

Here's a little video of our Tara Mechani gig:

After our gigs on the West Coast, I flew East with Emilio and Lucas drove back to Baja. I brought my beloved ukelele and did a couple of unexpected shows - an open mic in Wellfleet, Massachusetts and an impromptu chamber concert with my sister in law, the cellist, Justyna Jablonska Edmonds in my parents' living room. I adore Justyna's cello playing and the combination of instruments is inspired. I can't wait to collaborate more with her.

Every experience was great learning for next summer, when we hope to do a 2 month tour across the US. We have a year to dream, plan, raise money, record an album and transmit the rock-and-roll love! 

Follow Zoë + The Mischief on Social Media to keep up with our news and tour dates!

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Mexico City Photo Essay

In May, Lucas, Emilio and I went to Mexico City, now nicknamed CDMX, to finish up the paperwork process of getting our Mexican citizenship.

Visiting a less familiar city is always a fun opportunity to bust out my Fuji x100 to capture some street photography. Living on a dirt road in the desert does not offer too many of these chances. For the first 35 years of my life, I lived in cities--New York and then SF, and Oakland and walking around with my camera is a welcome return to my former life. 

The hotel we stayed at was in the downtown and very close to China Town. I have a history of living in Chinatown and have had an affinity for Chinese culture since I was a child. I also studied Chinese for 7 years as a youth! So it was super fun to capture both Mexican and Chinese culture in some of these shots.

Mexico City is a fun place, but I must admit that I have become accustomed to a slower, quieter, less populated way of life, and I get overwhelmed by large cities now. 

We ate tacos at our favorite Taqueria: La Auténtica. I stopped eating "red meat" a year ago for no other reason than my body tells me not to eat it, but I do eat an occasional taco al pastor, which is pork, and I've heard is considered "the other white meat." Their al pastor tacos are the best I've ever had. I also love their little plates of nopal, and their quintet of salsas is incredible. I had to keep ordering totopos so I could have a vehicle for more salsa. We discovered La Autentica the last time we went to Mexico City, and that was when we first heard this powerfully moving song, El Paciente by Alfredo Olivas. It would be a high challenge, especially to sing, but some day I would like to  do a Zoë + The Mischief rock and roll cover of it. 

Anyway, our little trip was successful and we left as Mexican Citizens! 

Driving North on Independence Day

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Blogging From Bed

Dear Creative Crusader,

I have missed you. I have missed the process of sharing my inner world in the hopes that you will receive encouragement, inspiration and connection. When I write to you, my hope is that I make the world a safer and more loving place for artists, healers and sensitive souls, like you, and me.

It’s been five months since I wrote my last museletter. I got really busy in January, and then it got harder and harder for me to return to this vulnerable process. I began the museletter concept one year ago, at the beginning of summer, like it is now. And I started my first blog six years ago, at the end of summer. Summer has a special meaning for me since I moved to Baja almost 10 years ago. In some ways, summer here is like the winter of the cooler parts of the Northern hemisphere—it is a time of introversion, avoiding the outside (it is very hot, humid & buggy) and of storing up for long periods of downtime. Summers here can be very isolating, and it can be difficult to find motivation for projects because there is a sticky slowness that descends over everything.

Summertime inspires me to make different kinds of commitments--to writing and recording or other introverted and antisocial projects. It is a time that makes me want to get back to my core—the part that I too often hide from people, the part that has ideas and thoughts, dreams and visions, and lots and lots of feelings.

The need to return to my inner world is also motivated by the end of the high season here in Baja. The high season starts in November, and is marked by a feeling of excitement about the return of people, projects and events—all extraverted activities. When November comes, which is also my birthday month, the extravert in me can’t help but jump in to any and all opportunities and invitations. I love people and I love collaborating—especially if I have been deprived and holed up in my house for months on end. (Side note: the longer I’ve lived here, my summer has become busier, and I have found a little more balance. I continue teaching Dance Lab all summer, and will continue to see clients.) Sure, I have my family, and we have a lot of fun together, and I do travel back to the US to see my family of origin. I am not completely alone, but my extraverted side needs quite a bit of socializing to feel satisfied.

So at the end of the high season, in the summer, it’s the opposite. The introverted side can’t wait to get into solitude. All I want to do is read, meditate, draw, work on new songs, and especially, write. Writing is an activity I’ve always done and will always do. For me, it’s like breathing. It’s my way of thinking of understanding my point of view. Without writing, I feel listless, unsubstantial, like a leaf being blown around by the wind. Writing every day grounds me to my core, and then sharing my writing with you creates an exultant & risky feeling that I equally fear and adore. 

I have sought out psychics only twice in my life. Both times with burning questions about my writing. Usually the question is about the process—how long will it take to write my book? When should I start? Or how can I approach my writing? The second psychic I consulted, a year ago, told me that she saw that I was meant to write something raw and honest, and that a lot of other people would relate to what I write, and that I would do it in a fashion that invited others into it. It would have a community aspect to it. I put this reflection aside, and a few weeks later I started my Sunday Museletter—which was then called Reads, Listens & Looks. For years now, I have created public announcements, creative challenges and deadlines to give me the accountability I need to take the writing plunge. So far it’s worked. This is partly why I host creative challenges  for others to participate in. Just yesterday I started posting about my desire to start blogging again on my Instagram stories, to see if it would force me to get this post out today. (It seems to be working.)

I have been thinking about returning to blogging or sharing my museletter again with you for months, but I have found myself silenced by the inner critical voices. It’s that classic double bind--creating causes fear, self doubt and shame-attacks and not creating causes anxiety & depression, aka: stuckness. It’s hard to admit to you that I— a creativity coach, an expressive arts therapist, an artist, an encourager of other people’s creativity and art—get stuck sometimes, too. So, I am taking my own advice, the advice I give my students and clients. Instead of going around the block, avoiding the block or forcing my way through the block, I am going to explore the block.

What does the block feel like? Look like? Taste like? Draw it. Write about it.

My feeling of being stuck has a very particular flavor. It is bitter. It is rarely about a lack of ideas, lack of motivation, or even a lack of time (I have changed my life completely in order to accommodate the time needed for a person who is constantly in need of creative expression.) My stuckness has the distinct taste of fear. It is born from old ideas that my intellectual mind is tired of. Ideas stemming from how I was judged or discouraged as a child. Even though the cause of the fear is old, emotionally, I am still right here in that fear. We now know that emotions are not linear creatures, but rather, particular arrangements of peptides living as potentials inside of us, and all we need is a trigger to set them off. The fears create well worn groves and it is very difficult to carve a different path. However, carving a different path is the way of life I have committed to, and so, over and over, I have gone through that familiar process. The pattern goes something like this: I share something and feel triumphant about overcoming the inner obstacles, then I feel like a failure when my expectations are not met (because I am a grandiose optimist from NYC, my expectations are almost never met), then a wash of shame soaks through me and I find myself, stuck, frozen in fear. I am caught between wanting desperately to express myself, to keep the channel open, to connect with others, to share my longings and disappointments, to stay authentic, no matter how painful or scary, but I tend, instead, to hide. To turn away from my audience, friends, family, and most especially, myself.

This exposure-disappointment-shame-frozen in fear cycle is something I have learned and practiced since an early age, and it was born from what I call the Scarcity Complex. The scarcity complex is the idea that there is a finite amount of love, money, success, shininess and attention in the world. It is an airless space, devoid of compassion and connection. 

However, when we pause a moment, and open up to the larger truth of our experience, we see that love is infinite, that love is our true nature, and that the universe is expanding. We see that we are not solid things to be compared and competed with, but rather energetic beings in a constant flux of evolution. There will always be more, because the universe will expand to meet us as we evolve into something more complex and intelligent.

And so, I have discovered that the best dissolution for the scarcity complex is to expand one’s point of view, to see how we are ALL connected, and to find gratitude for what we already have rather than focusing on what we want or want to achieve. For those of us who believe in the Law of Attraction, this does not mean we shouldn’t imagine what we want to create in our life and in the world, but it does mean that equally important to our envisioning, is our feeling. In order to attract what we want, we must feel the feelings that resonate with the unique quality of our desire. Desire is a feeling, not an image. We must actually feel the desire and the gratitude for what we have already received. No matter how destitute you are, there is usually something (EG: the miracle of life itself) that we can find at least a little bit of gratitude for. And if you cannot genuinely find gratitude for something in your life, start then, with something you desire, and imagine yourself actually feeling the gratitude as if you already had or experienced that thing. In some cases, we are blocked off from desire too, in which case we start from whatever we actually feel--the block, the resistance, the fear. As I am demonstrating here.

The scarcity complex is dangerous--it cuts us off from our spiritual nature, the larger part of us that knows we are all one. It distracts us from our core truth, that we are love. It convinces us that we are in competition with our fellow humans, rather than in cooperation. It cuts us off from our higher intelligence, which is intimately connected with the heart. Knowledge is only information, if it is not also not felt in the heart. 

As much as I don’t want to admit it to myself, or to you, I see now that I have been caught up in the scarcity complex. And even though I have been aware of it for a little while now, it still causes tremendous pain to feel so cut off from my spiritual nature. I still mediate every day, practice yoga, dance, sing, write, sit with others, and do all the things that I know are good for my whole being, and yet, I still find myself daily, slipping into the pettier aspects of my personality. The part of me that feels insecure if I don’t get attention on social media, or feels threatened by people doing similar work to mine, or who isolates, when I am in pain, rather than reaching out to loved ones. I have found myself more and more under the grip of my trio of inner critics, the self police (who doesn’t want me to perform or get attention), the judge (who judges my feminine aspects), and the task master (who wants me to do everything faster, bigger, better, and right now!). 

When I am under the grip of any of the inner critics, I believe what s/he is saying to me: “No one values your work, that’s why they don’t come to your class” or “Everyone is so sick of you. You should be ashamed of yourself for continuing to put yourself out there.” or “You will never finish your book. It’s just a bunch of disorganized, half-baked ideas.” or “You are pathetic, don’t share your insecurities with other people because then they will see you as you really are: an impostor, a hack, a dilettante.” 

As I write the things that my inner critics say to me, I am taken aback by the lack of compassion. However, the process of externalizing the critic, that I share with my clients and students: drawing him/her, writing down what s/he says, acting out the conversation between you and your critic - is very illuminating. Witnessing (from the higher self perspective) the meanness of these voices inside, I immediately feel compassion for the me that is being barraged by these critiques. Genuine heartfelt empathy magically arises: “no wonder you feel ashamed or blocked or afraid to create or express or share your work.” The arising of this compassion is what allows me to share this with you. Compassion is a magic thing. And the moment we have more compassion for ourselves, we can have even more compassion for others, including the inner or outer judges of the world. After all, once we face the critic with compassion, we usually find out that s/he is well-intentioned, and is just trying to protect you (or your ego) from getting wounded. The inner judge has a really antiquated, unhelpful, shaming style. It’s like a parent from a previous generation that never learned how to be sensitive. It means well, but it’s doing a shitty job. In fact, most of the comments people make that hurt my feelings, have that same quality. They probably think they’re being helpful or encouraging, but because of their own fears and judgments about their own inadequacies, they are actually projecting their own stuff onto me. 

I am so tired of getting hurt by “well-meaning” people who accidentally shit on you because they have no idea how to actually listen or take someone in. As the women’s empowerment coach Tara Mohr says, criticism reflects much more about the other person than it does you. Your critic’s criticisms stem from their fear. They come from the scarcity complex. Yes, the critic is part of you, but it started out as an outside person—a person that represents the norms of society. A parent, teacher, religious figure, sibling. This is why externalizing the critic is so powerful—when we start to see it for what it really is, we have the power to listen to it, and respond, instead of projecting it onto the people around us. We can turn down the volume of the voice, or purposefully put our attention on something that makes us feel more alive and whole, rather than ashamed and shut down.

I have spent the first half of my life in a cycle of hiding and revealing. Like a flasher—see me naked, now you don’t. After I shared myself publicly, I would go through days or weeks of shame, which caused me to hide, isolate, shut off my creativity, sink into darkness. Hiding, especially, the shame itself. But in the past few years, since I made a commitment to be more authentic, to continue to be all of my selves, I have been actively working with my shame. Facing my shame and having the courage to talk it about was inspired by the incomparable work of Brené Brown. From her, I learned how to “speak shame.” Naming it first for myself. Letting myself feel it. Listening to what the inner critics are barraging me for. And then, sometimes, when I feel brave enough, sharing how I feel with close friends. And this, now, is the last part of that cycle—sharing my process with you. Opening up honestly to what courage really looks like behind the scenes. As you can see, it’s not pretty, or glamorous or fun. It’s hard work. It’s confronting all the fears, and judgments. 

I, like so many, was raised to be a people-pleaser. I learned at an early age how to transform myself to become what I intuited someone needed or wanted me to be. Often, it took the form of becoming the great encourager, putting people at ease, self deprecating or hiding myself so that the others would be more comfortable. I found all sorts of ways to hide—pretending to be less intelligent, more conventional, less sensitive than I really was. It took so much effort, but it was a survival tool that I needed. And of course, I was mostly unconscious of the behavior. It just happened. 

But now, at age 44, with a family of my own, and a hand-constructed life in the Baja desert, I don’t think I need that tool anymore to survive. For the past few years, I have worked to liberate my conditioning, to unlearn those habits of behaving smaller, lesser, quieter than I really am, or want to be. Yes, it is safer to be hide, but it is makes life less satisfying to live. 

And then, in the words of Anaïs Nin, “the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” This moment of risk has come for me many times, and each time, I blossom a little further, I include even more of my petals in my bloom. Being outspoken, transparent, creative, loud, opinionated, unapologetic as a female makes you a target. There is no way to deny that fact—just follow the career of any female public figure, and you can see the ways they attract shaming, ridicule and hatred. Yes, these female figures also inspire love and inspiration—but the thing is you can’t have one with out the other. I now know that the more I put myself out there, the more people will judge me. The more I share my point of view, the more people will disagree with me. The louder I become, the more people will avert their ears. 

For a reason that was not created by me, but given to me, I showed up in this lifetime to wrestle with this very thing--the process of becoming one's true self. To learn and teach the process of human wholeness and evolution, to understand how to alleviate human suffering through liberation and creative expression. To be an example through living my life transparently. To allow my own experiences with shadow to be a teacher, to encourage others to take up more space in the world. To not do it, to hide my suffering and fears, my passions and dreams, is to not honor the truth of my soul. To not to do it, is to let down the people who I help to open up. To not do it is even worse than the pain of rejection and shame. 

I have spent the first half of my life honing my crafts. Learning everything I could about psychology, spirituality, education and the arts. I have travelled, studied languages and cultures. I have listened to people’s stories. I have read books with great insights. I have trained as an artist, writer and performer. In the second half of my life, my goal of course is to continue my studies, but also to integrate all of this experience and knowledge, all these learnings into books, talks, blog posts, songs, classes, retreats, videos so that it may help others live out their fullest potential and highest purpose. It’s a lot of work, doing what I do. And I so often get the feedback from others: you are brave or you do so many things. They look at me with fear or discomfort. But those comments, while they are intended to be kind, in truth make me uncomfortable. I hear, underneath the words, a judgment. I shrink a little at those moments. But later, when I am able to access my higher self and sees all of my smaller selves, I come up with an appropriate response, which is: how could I have it any other way? I am just allowing myself to be me. I am allowing all my selves, and I give everyone else an open invitation to do the same. I was lucky to be born with a lot of privilege, energy and a very optimistic nature. This optimism has allowed me to experience many rejections and failures, and even though those failures hurt me deeply, the optimistic part always wonders—well, what’s next? What can I create? What can I bring into the world? What is needed? What is the next form of healing that I can learn and teach?

And so, I end this letter with a few decisions I have made.

I want to keep writing, keep sharing my process, keep daring myself to be more and more transparent with the hopes that my nakedness will help you feel more safe to be naked too, in your own way. As I have shared before, I am working on a book. The form of this book is in constant flux, so I don't know exactly how it will all come together, but it is mostly certainly a book that will include personal essays on similar topics to my blog. I decided that I want to share more here, the process of writing my book. Some of these blog posts will be seed starters for longer pieces. As always, I welcome feedback. I encourage conversation. I plan on writing more directly on my blog. And then sending out a monthly museletter with links to posts, news and information about my music, art, community activities, events, classes, etc. 

If you have already subscribed to my museletter, you will continue to receive monthly emails. If you want to read my blog more frequently, you can just come to my blog to see the latest posts. I love hearing from people. Please feel free to send me an email if something I shared resonated with you, or if you would like to share your own story or your own creativity. I extend to you an open invitation for you to share news with me that I can put in my monthly letter. Or if you would like to be a guest blogger here, I would be happy to publish your work, as long as it is in alignment with my core values. 

Together, let’s create a community that is more balanced, compassionate, vulnerable, creative and authentic! I know that I cannot do this alone. And I welcome your contribution in whatever form it takes.

Love and creativity,

Zoë

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Road Trip (2012)

ZOELAB DAY 80

Date of Original Post: November 19, 2012

This afternoon we are leaving for our drive up North for the purpose of getting the last of our stuff (including our vintage pachinko machines) out of storage in Northern California. Lucas did this trip a month ago, thinking it would be the last, but he couldn’t quite fit it all in the trailer. So, this will really be the final trip. (It better be!) We will stop for a few days in LA to visit with friends too. My internet access will be unpredictable over the next few days, but I will keep up my ZOELAB on my computer as much as possible.

Lucas has done the roundtrip Baja road trip at least 30 times since 2004. I’ve probably done it about six or seven times. This will be Emilio’s fifth time--his first was when he was not yet two months old. The first time Lucas and I did the drive was in 2004, after we had moved from Brooklyn. Before moving to San Francisco for me to start graduate school, we decided to go to San Jose del Cabo to visit with Lucas’ sister Emilia for a few months. We had bought a 1964 VW bug through Craigslist San Jose, California, from a father and son who, as a project together, had built it up as a Baja 1000 racing car with: 1835 cc, dual carbs, big head valves, transmission swap, 33 inch racing tires in the rear, full roll cage, racing seats with 5 point harnesses. The interior was stripped down to the metal to save weight. (No, I don’t know that much about cars. Luckily I have Lucas sitting next to me to give me all the specs from his engineer’s brain.) In other words, it was extremely fast, for a bug. Lucas raced a Porche in LA and beat it, but only because the other driver knew that Lucas didn’t mind scratching the paint of his car. And Lucas knew that the other driver knew that our entire car was worth less than his paint job. Needless to say, the LA driver was very angry. Because of the racing motor, when we went more than 30 miles an hour, it was so loud inside the bug that we couldn’t listen to any music, let alone hear each others voices. We had installed an old intercom headset system from an old airplane, but it was just too uncomfortable to wear for the long drive. The starter motor died 10 miles into the trip, and we had to push start it the remaining 1600 miles. Even in California, when we had to push start the bocho (what VW Bugs are called in Mexico), Mexican men magically came out of nowhere to help us push. We made it down to San Jose del Cabo  in four or five days, with our ears ringing from the loud car. I don’t have the photos of that road trip right now to share, but I will post them when I find them.

Road trips, for me, are usually both very difficult (due to the boredom, feelings of disempowerment, and lack of exercise) and very fun (sense of family adventure, opportunities for long, process conversations, visual stimulation, fun with camera). We’ll see how this one goes....

Garafön +/-

ZOELAB DAY 147

Original Date of Post: January 25, 2013

I wasn’t even that nervous. Something in my body remembered what it felt like to perform rock n roll. My strings were rusty, and I knew I should have already changed them. It was our turn to go up. The stage was a mezzanine about fifteen feet above the restaurant, which was covered by a giant palapa roof. There were about a hundred or so people sitting, standing, eating, drinking. I had to climb a steep ladder to get up there. I was afraid I’d get vertigo, but all the pre-adrenaline in my body made it easier for me. After Obë, Marty and I climbed the ladder, and were up there on the stage, I suddenly had no idea if I could remember what we were supposed to do. But instead of feeling panic, I felt an in-the-moment calm. Presence. I had already decided to make my performance about fun, and not perfection. Because I knew I couldn’t have control enough for perfection. Isn’t that what rock-n-roll is all about anyway? Sticking it to the man-- letting go of convention, of correctness. It’s about feeling power through music. Feeling excitement, truth, rebellion, exaltation. The lights were in my face--blinding sunshine, warming me, highlighting me for a moment. Strapping on my guitar with the red silk chinese strap, the bravado kicked in. Then I really remembered the feeling--I felt, but didn’t think of, my first and last real gig, which was with Social Service in 2003--at Meow Mix a lesbian bar in New York City. It was as if the last ten years my rock-n-roll trajectory was on pause, and then someone just hit unpause. I did. Joan Jett, Carrie Brownstein, electric Bob Dylan, Velvet Underground, these are the musicians who gave me courage. And Marty and Obë too. And Tim Lang. And all the people there that night to hear the locals. And Caitlin Moran. And all the women out there who want to be counted in the worlds that don’t always include them. All the stubborn, adventurous women. To inspire we must be inspired. And it was with that spirit that I strummed my electric guitar, and then broke my B string on my very first chord. And we played our two songs--we messed up in places, and I didn’t sing all that well or into the mic enough, and we sped up too much. But none of that mattered, because we rocked. And, we were very, very happy. 

I am pretty darn sure that there’s nothing more fun than performing rock n roll.

Why I Love Art Journaling & Self Love

I seem to feel compelled, over and over, to explain why I promote art journaling, why I love creative challenges and also, why self love is so damn important.

So here I go again:

Why Art Journaling?

Art Journaling (and personal blogging as the digital form of art journaling) has allowed me to move through many depressions in my life. Ever since I received my first journal at 7 years old, I have used my journal as a space for personal reflection, insight and expression. It's been a free and safe space to connect the dots of my creativity. The journal is a space to capture ideas and to play with the chaotic elements of the mind. The journal is a space to dream, observe, interact with life around us, as well as within us. 

How is art journaling different than any other journaling or arting?

Art Journaling always involves visuals and words. That’s the only thing that defines it, as far as I’m concerned. My form of art journaling is often focused on depth-work and making meaning, because that is my training and orientation. But art journaling can also be a companion for creative projects, which is also just as valuable. 

Some of us are more image-based and some of us are more word-based, but either way, the intention of art journaling is to weave the two halves of the brain, the two principles of the universe: the masculine and the feminine. The art journal holds space for both our linear and non-linear processes. It holds space for our emotions, fantasies & intuitive guidance as well as our story-telling, planning & problem-solving. It is both a space to capture our experience of life as it unfolds, to process the patterns of our past, and to channel what we want to manifest in our future. I believe it is opening up to our unique wholeness, and in particular, the integration of the masculine and feminine within, that brings us into our deepest potential and highest purpose. Art Journaling does just that. And the best part is it’s a low cost activity available to nearly everyone. 

Have I convinced you yet?

Okay, so why a month-long challenge?

I love time-based, daily, compassion-based (or internally-based) challenges because they work. They push us to reach beyond our normal limitations and comfort zones, but not from a place of external pressure, but rather from a place of inner organic expansion. The most inspiring, creative and productive times in my life were when I was in school or when I participated in creative challenges. Creative challenges have an awakening, reaffirming affect. They affirm who we are in our truest sense. And they affirm our connection to others. They grow community. And, they help us to create new habits that are more aligned with our higher selves. 

And what is Self Love?

Ah, this is a big one. And it’s a relatively new one, for me. 

Growing up, the message I had about self love was that it was embarrassing, shameful and should be hidden. I felt that I shouldn’t love myself and others shouldn’t love themselves. In this culture, we see so much narcissism that we get confused--we hope we aren’t narcissistic, or selfish, or have a big ego. We wouldn’t dare possibly share that we like or, god forbid, love ourselves. What if someone was offended or didn't agree that we were lovable?

Well I am on a mission to bring us into a much more expanded idea of what it means to wholly love ourselves with out sounding too much like a Self-Help guru from the 1980's.

What is self love? What is the difference between self love and narcissism, selfishness or egotism?

Self Love is about loving your wholeness. Loving all the parts. Including the ego, and its “petty” attachments and desires that allow it to keep going. It’s about loving the wounded parts, with their drive to heal, to become whole again. It’s about loving the heart, the natural healer we all possess, loving its feelings that radiate out—the joy, but also the grief. It’s about loving the body, with its flaws, its way of revealing the truths that the inside can no longer hold in. It’s about loving the world, too—our interaction with it. It's about loving our experience of the world—the vulnerability that comes just from being open and receptive.

Narcissism is not Self Love, in fact, it’s the opposite. Narcissism is loving only a fixed image of one of your selves. It is an unhealthy attachment to the frozen mask that covers a part of ourselves that is deeply wounded, so wounded that it cannot be loved. So in fact, ironically, Self Love is the cure for narcissism. The warmth of our love can melt even the most frozen, stuck, rejected places within.

Self Love is about The Self with a capital S. In Jungian terms, the Self is the organizing principle, the center that holds all conscious and unconscious experience. The Self is a microcosm of an individual that reflects the macrocosm of the universe. The Self holds all the smaller selves, or identities. And through this holding, we allow healing and transformation. The Self is the full potential of what is human, what is felt, imagined, thought about, seen, heard, sensed, tasted, touched, and also what is in shadow. The Self is wholeness. It is round, and with out end. Its center touches all centers. Its circumference has edges, but no end. Jung discovered the Self archetype is represented by a Mandala. A circle. 

To love The Self is to love all that you are, all that you experience. To unfreeze the parts of your heart that are afraid or ashamed. It means to actually feel into your heart. Bring its awareness to your life, to call on it when you are anxious or lonely. It means to practice non-judgmental awareness—within and around you. To know that all potential lives inside you and to judge it would be to cut yourself off from an aspect of life. 

Whether you participate in the art journal challenge, or not, I invite you to enter this new year, on this day of the full moon, to allow yourself to love yourself, all parts, voices and uncertainties. To make more and more space for what it is to be human. To let your heart heal you. 

With our self love in tact, we can change our outer world. I do not believe it’s possible to bring lasting change in the world until we fully can accept and love our inner world.

Let's love ourselves fully into 2018 so we can create a world flows from our own radical irrepressible self love.

As Always, Love & Creativity,

Zoë

The January 2018 Art Journal Challenge is here!

Join me on Monday, January 1st 2018 for my second January Art Journal Challenge!

The basic level of this challenge is free. This year's challenge is going to focus only on art journaling (as opposed to last year which was a combo of both blogging and art journaling). If you are a blogger, you can still adapt the prompts for your purposes.  This year's challenge is also different because I've added an additional coaching element for those who feel they want or need additional support, guidance and feedback. The basic level is free for everyone. The coaching package is $100 and includes a 60 minute phone session at the beginning of the month and email coaching through out the entire month. One additional new aspect of the 2018 challenge is that there is a theme! The month-long theme is: SELF LOVE. I am very excited about this theme, and self love is something I've been promoting and developing as an integral part of my own healing journey and in my work as a therapist, coach & teacher.

How does the 31 Day Art Journal Challenge work?

1) Sign up in the form at the bottom of this post with your email. Basic participation in this challenge is free.

2) If you aren't in it already, join my Art Journal Lab Facebook Group. The Facebook Group is where you will receive your art journaling prompt every day. I will post each prompt the night before. The challenge starts on January 1st and goes every day through January 31st.

3) Optional: Add the $100 coaching package by clicking the image to the right or at the bottom of this post. The coaching package includes one 60 minute phone session with me at the beginning of the month as well as email coaching with me for the whole month of January. The coaching offers an opportunity for you to identify your challenges, intentions & callings and to receive personalized attention, support and feedback on your writing, arting and self love practices. Note: Once you have paid for your coaching session, you will receive an email from me with a link to schedule your session and some questions to get you started.

4) Do the prompts every day in your journal. Use whatever supplies appeal to you. I recommend an 8.5 x 11 blank journal. If you are in Todos Santos, I have those journals for sale. Send me an email if you'd like to purchase one. Otherwise, you can order a journal like the one you see on the right, here.

Another exciting option is to participate in the Sketchbook Project at the Brooklyn Art Library in conjunction with this challenge. Sign up for the Sketchbook Project by January 5th, by buying a sketch book from them, which you can complete as part of this challenge. After you are done, mail your filled sketchbook for them to keep in their library, which features the largest collection of sketchbooks in the world!

5) Feel free to post your art journal pages, questions, process, or anything that relates to the self love or the topic of art journaling in the Facebook group. That is your space to connect with others as well as with me.

6) If you enjoy posting your pages on social media, please use the hashtag: #31dayjournalchallengejan18

I imagine everyone's reasons for joining this challenge will be varied. It may be because you want to get back into your writing and/or your art again in a daily way. You may just be to learn about art journaling. For some, it may be an opportunity to have a quiet moment to connect with yourself. And for others, it might a wild time to experiment, with no goal other than to unleash your creativity. And for all of us, hopefully, it is simply a way to practice and increase self love! You may discover some new reasons along the way.

For me, this year's challenge is about three things:

1) To promote the inspiring, creative & healthy practice of art journaling

2) To build online community through creativity and authentic connection

3) To promote the practice of self love

What is art journaling?

Art Journaling is a process that combines visual art (drawing, painting, collage, or photography) and words. Art Journaling can consist of intimate journal entries, poetry, doodling, hand lettering, free associative writing, list-making, goal-setting and planning. Putting those two aspects of our experience together on the same page: visual and verbal is the common ground for all art journaling.

My version of art journaling is unique in that it combines techniques, theories, and assignments from my work as an expressive arts therapist and creativity coach. For the past five years, I have been teaching Art Journal Lab, a class that combines these techniques, in Todos Santos, Mexico, near where I live. I teach people the tools, philosophy and basic skills they need to interact with the different parts of self, which I refer to as the inner family of self. I create a structure that makes it possible to connect to the invisible parts that we feel, but don’t always acknowledge or express.

I have a Masters’s in Counseling Psychology, with a focus on Expressive Arts Therapy, meaning I use drama, dance, music, writing and visual art as a form of therapeutic intervention with the goal of integrating the personality, healing trauma and practicing new ways of being. I also teach creativity, not only for all types of artists, but for anyone who wants to practice a more empowered, creative and compassionate way of being in the world. I believe the most important relationship we have is with ourselves, but this is often the relationship that gets shoved by the wayside as we tend to prioritize everything else: our spouse or partner, our children, our work, our home, our family of origin. I believe if we cannot engage in a creative, conscious, curious and compassionate way with ourselves, we are not living up to our full potential and cannot offer the full version of ourselves to anything we do. The more we know ourselves, and ultimately, accept and love ourselves, the more good we can do for our families, friends, communities and our world. It’s an inside out approach—which is the reverse of what we have been trained to do in our culture.

You do not have to be a trained artist or writer to do art journaling. Anyone who can pick up a pen or pencil and has a blank book can do art journaling. There are no special supplies that are necessary, though I will be sharing some of my favorite tools on the blog. One of my life's missions is to show how everyone is creative, and that the arts were meant to be used by all of humanity as a tool to discover the soul, and to engage in life in a more balanced, compassionate way. Through our engagement with the arts, we are able to make space for expressing the darkness, the unconscious parts of the Self, instead of acting those parts out on others. It is particularly this, this engagement with the shadow (the parts of us we do not see or do now want to see, or feel) that is the creative gold of this work. When we have the courage to bring our light of consciousness to our own shadow, we are able to unearth our previously buried psychic energy so we can make use of even our darkest pain.

I know this not only from the work I have done with my students and clients, but also from my own personal journey, which I have shared at two different presentations at Women Awakening, a women’s summit in Todos Santos, of which I am a co-creator. In my talk, I shared my philosophy, artwork, music and personal story, about what it means to be yourself, which is about being, and ultimately loving, all your selves. Sharing this talk was a personal revelation for me, as I discovered what it felt like to open myself up and share authentically, weaving my professional, personal, intellectual and artistic life in one space. My goal, more recently, has been to integrate these disparate parts of myself. I have intuitively felt that this way we separate our different selves is not just a problem for me, but for many others, and especially for women, who struggle so much with disappearing into our roles. The goal is not to disappear into any one role, but to bring your whole self to every role you do, so you have access to all your selves whenever you need them. I believe this is the goal of human development. And through our working with what we are, in an honest way, we also access our spiritual power. It has been my experience that when we contact our soul, we open up to spirit, which helps us expand into more love.

The reasons I host creative challenges it to help connect people to their creativity, passion and personal truth. Doing something every day creates a new habit that is affirming and helps you grow--expanding your sense of authentic self that you bring into the world. It is most certainly a challenge to do something everyday with out fail. But it is also very rewarding, and the sense of accomplishment from completing a whole month with a daily creative practice is a real thrill.

I can't wait to see what it might do for you!

If you want to join me in this challenge, subscribe below with your email.

If you would like to add the $100 coaching package for personalized guidance and feedback, click the button below the form as well.

Women Awakening: Healing & Reclaiming Your Power

A celebratory moment at the end of Women Awakening with a few of the other co-creators: Angelica Robinson, Marimar Higgins and Jill Mullenhauer

We were in Mexico City a few weeks ago applying for our citizenship, and last weekend, I was deeply engrossed in Women Awakening, an annual women's summit, of which I am also a co-creator. I haven’t been able to keep up many of my usual practices, including sitting down and writing to you.

I love the reflective nature of Sundays--that slow transition from the weekend to the beginning of a new week. I used to get the Sunday blues when I was in school, or had an office job. The transition between day and night also used to bring me down as well. But now I have a whole new relationship to Sundays and Twilight. I have learned to stay present through the transition, which is usually a time we choose to check out of. I have discovered much complexity in those moments when one thing transforms into another. This experience is good for art, reflection, tuning in to inner guidance, meditation. Maybe this is part of why we are so drawn to sunsets, in addition to their dazzling beauty. Sunsets invite us to embrace change.

For some strange reason, I love transformation. I am hooked on change. I like to change my identity, my hair, my work, my mind, my life. It’s life as art. I love witnessing and facilitating change in others. It's so beautiful to help people discover and express themselves. I see everything as malleable, transmutable, workable-with. Even our selves—our pesky little identities and egos, and attachments, and all the rest—these are forever able to be created, re-invented. 

This is why I believe so profoundly in creativity—because it’s what allows us to evolve. Our ability to create ourselves, our lives, our cultures—this is how we evolve. We are consciously participating in the direction of the stream of life. And change—that is at the epicenter for life itself. Everything is always changing. That is the one thing that stays the same. And the sooner we can accept this, the sooner we can jump in the stream of life with the courage of a hero/ine, with our hearts open and our minds aware.

Last weekend, at Women Awakening, I felt like I was at the epicenter of where healing and change happens. I had heard some feedback from some of the participants that they had expected the weekend to be more about empowerment and less about healing. The theme of this’ years summit was Reclaiming Your Power. I see healing as having everything to do with reclaiming your power.

The heroine’s journey is partially a journey of healing. That healing is the key to our empowerment. I see empowerment as taking responsibility for yourself. And only through knowing and healing ourselves can we love ourselves enough to face our whole selves, shadow and all. I believe it's no accident that there was a big focus on healing--as women, as a collective, and individuals, we have a lot of healing to do. This doesn't mean we can't fight for justice, or create change in the external world, but I believe we need to know who we are before we can point our fingers at others. In my feminism, having a robust and loving inner emotional life is key to being successful at this group project of returning girls, women and the divine feminine back to its rightful and equal place in the universe. Through embracing our wholeness, we can reflect the power of the divine feminine to world. The divine feminine: intuition, emotion, healing, feeling, receiving, being, holding. 

I know this is my impartial perspective, as a healer, but it is also my perspective as a woman who has spent a lifetime healing. We have kept the idea that we need to be healed in the dark. And that’s partly why we are still in need of healing. Of course all humans are in need of healing, not just women. But women have a particular kind of healing and cure that happens in togetherness, with each other. In connection, community, collaboration, cooperation. All the words that start with 'co'. In order to become whole again, as Woman, and as Women, we need each other. We need to see and mirror each other. Even in our imperfections. Especially in our imperfections. We need not to isolate and say to ourselves: I must go it alone. The more we reach out to each other, the more we will feel held, ourselves.

This was the experience I had last weekend at Women Awakening: I held, and felt held, as I shared my presentation and workshop on owning your shadow. I saw a room full of women hungry for a compassionate space to look at, feel into and talk about their shadows. All of us with different shadows, and yet all of us sharing the collective shadow of Power. A part of us that we reclaiming collectively. I believe that because of the collectively destruction towards girls, women and The Feminine, for thousands of years, we all share an unconscious collective experience of being marginalized, violated, or otherwise oppressed, simply because of our gender or sex. This is a wound we all share, whether we are conscious of it or not. And to pretend it’s not there is to keep the wound festering, never to see the light of day. This wound is power. I have spent a lifetime studying power, and learning how to take power. It isn't easy. And there's still a lot of work to be done. It's not all up to women, but it starts with us. It starts with our felt experience.

I gave my talk on shadow for that reason: to create the opportunity for us to bravely and collectively shed our spotlights on that which we prefer to keep hidden, lest we be ostracized from society. We are right to fear that banishment—the risk of speaking up or going against the grain has dire consequences for most of us, on every level imaginable. As a woman, showing your shadow material—your flaws, your ego, your wildness, your selfishness, is a fucking brave act. Women and girls are strongly encouraged not to let our imperfections show. To love all of our selves--that is our revolution.

For my shadow workshop, I decided not to use notes to give my presentation—other than using my hand out. It was exhilarating, to be that present. I wanted to trust that what I needed to say would come out with written words to rely on. The workshop flowed. This was because of the amazing energy and contribution of the group—all I had to do was channel the energy, and then get out of the way. (Plus many years of thinking and writing on the topic.) We ended in a circle where we each expressed two opposite truths about ourselves—one expressing our shadow, the other expressing our persona, or ego. I was so moved to witness and be part of a circle of women who each expressed both a a personal truth and universal truth. The circle held each of us, as individuals and all of us, as women. It was stunning to behold.

There were countless powerful moments for me from Women Awakening—some that come to mind right now: having the opportunity to collaborate in teaching a yoga and movement class with my friend/collaborator/teacher/student Marimar, and then to witness the women again, expressing their uniqueness, while held in a universal connection. I also loved receiving an intensive Spanish lesson through listening to the Spanish and English spontaneous translations. As co-creators of the event we were given the tremendous honor of first receiving the Munay Ki Rite of the Womb and Bands of Power and then giving those sacred rites to the other women, who in turn, are now empowered to give it to others, as well. I loved the eye-opening talk on the yoni, and receiving a new vocabulary and permission to harness the power of my sexuality. Meeting new amazing women who have travelled from far to share their gifts. One surprise moment stands out: hearing Marisol of La Santa Cecilia sing and bless my new ukelele with her compelling voice at an evening gathering. To bring it full circle, the song she sang was called Todo Cambia and it was about how we need to learn to embrace change because everything is always changing.

Even if you didn't have the chance to participate in Women Awakening, I want you to know that you were thought of that weekend. We held you in our hearts. The healing and empowerment that took place is reverberating out to all the circles we are connected with. Not only women and girls, but men and boys, too. Awakening is contagious, and it is happening all over the planet. Each of us has a part in this. Each of us has the power to transform even our most traumatic experiences into gifts to be given to others.  

Empowerment is about taking responsibility for your self. For your actions, your emotions, your dreams, your soul work. In order to take responsibility, in order to find our power, we must first heal. We must look within at our darkest parts. We must face our fears. We must get really really comfy with all our selves and find compassion, humor and healthy expression. We are all in this human project together and no one has it all figured it out. Right alongside of vulnerability is power. We cannot have one with out the other. I will never stop shouting (or singing) this message from the rooftops. I was born to do this work, and this work is what made me see what work is mine to be done.

This is the hero/heroine’s journey. The journey of healing, of becoming whole, as individuals, as a society and as a planet. There is so much suffering on this planet. True. But there has always been suffering. Now, with all the collective awakening, and especially all the women who are awakening to our witchy, feminine, intuitive, wild, instinctive, creative powers, we have the unique opportunity to shed light on all the darkness of our collective human experience. The violence and the greed and the apathy are being seen like never before. We are shining our lights on these age-old shadows, and this is transforming the people and the planet. Let us keep doing the brave work, the hard work, but also the richly rewarding, creative and even fun, work, of going within. To love all of our selves with the understanding that all that exists in the macrocosm exists in the microcosm. Let us join together with open hearts and open minds, supporting each other, instead of being divisive and blaming and pretending that we have nothing to work on, nothing to transform or heal. As the Buddha said: “Drive All Arrows Into The Self”

Love & Power Unite. 

Amen. Aho. Namaste. Fuck Yeah. And all the rest.

La Guardia Airport Power Point Presentation

ZOELAB DAY 114

Original Date of Post: December 23, 2012

In honor of the holiday traveling that I am not doing, that many other people are doing, I wanted to share my first power point art series I made when I lived in New York, two months after Lucas and I started dating. He had gone to Baja to see his sister for a few weeks, and was returning to New York. We were in the early stages of falling in love, and I decided it was important to pick him up at the airport after his late night flight. I didn’t have a car, so I took a cab to La Guardia Airport. I got there early, and I had some time to kill so I walked around taking photos. About a month or so earlier, I had come into possession of my first digital camera. It wasn’t even mine, it was something I got to use because of my job at a children’s services agency as Publications Coordinator, in house publications designer, and Alumni Relations Coordinator. I needed to take photos at Alumni events, so they got me a digital camera, which I pretended was mine and brought with me everywhere. Until that camera, the only other cameras I had used were 35 mm SLRs, which I had been using since I was fifteen. (As a younger child I had used two cameras given as gifts from my parents--the Nikon Disc camera (remember those? the film looked like little View Master slides) and a Polaroid.) In 2003, having a digital camera changed completely the way I took photographs. I discovered and developed a new style almost instantly. 

As I waited for Lucas at La Guardia airport, I wandered around taking photos of things that caught my eye. Later, when I examined the images at work, a universal story emerged, personal only because of the context in which they were taken. I felt the photos had captured the contrast between the visual mundanity of airline travel and the internal feelings of excitement because of who you are traveling to see. For some reason, perhaps because I was at work, I decided the series needed to put together on power point, and hence my first power point art was created.

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First Open Reading, Part Two

ZOELAB DAY 108

Date of Original Post: December 17, 2012

When I arrived at the reading my heart started pounding heavily, which is normal for me. There were about twelve or fifteen people sitting at tables. Even though I am a trained actress, I always get nervous before I am to speak in public, as myself. I have learned to live with it, by breathing through it and trying to use it to fuel my fire. I also had a glass of wine, which helped. The other organizer/host (the wife of the man who had emailed me, who I knew from a volunteering at a women’s crafts collective while I was pregnant) called out the name of the person a moment before s/he was to go up. I listening to several readers, having no idea when I’d be called, trying to get used to that thing jumping around in my chest. The host then said: “there are two Zoë’s, who has the burning desire to go now?” I instantly threw up my hand with out politely letting the other Zoë, who is a child, go first. (I’m embarrassed that I did that now.) But I knew it was my time to go, and I wanted to be relieved of my jumping heart. The last reader had read about sorority girls and her granddaughter, a sorority girl also, was there listening. I saw a theme emerging about family relations, with the other Zoë and her brother there, and I needed to seize my moment. 

There was a microphone and a stool, so I sat in the stool (which was a mistake) and started reading. Standing is always more grounding then sitting--having your feet on the floor. Sitting on the stool made me feel less present. My heart wouldn’t let my voice alone--it felt thin and shaky. I tried to read slowly, which is how it should be read, but I was nervous that I would be cut off, so I couldn’t read too slowly. This dilemma made my voice sound high and far away from me. I read the best that I could. After I sat down in my seat, the blood came back to my face. Then the other Zoë read a wonderful poem. She read with such confidence, yet vulnerability. I was amazed that a thirteen year old American girl, living in Mexico, could be so self-possessed. Or perhaps living here has something to do with it. The next reader, the last, a woman who looked around my age walked up to me right after her name was called and asked me the name of my blog. I thought it was strange she was asking me when it was her turn to read. I said: “Zoelab.net. I”ll write it down for you later.” She waved her hand impatiently, “what's it called?”  She had wanted the name at that moment so that she could announce it to the audience before she read her sharp and funny piece about her experiences as a mom living in Baja part time. She read exactly the way I would have wanted to read if I could have. Her voice was rich, confident, her relaxed state allowed for the proper comedic timing. She was fully present, which draws the audience in. I found out that she is a published author and also coaches writers on reading technique. Well then it made sense. 

I received warm and kind feedback after the reading was over and chatted with my new promoter and role model. Being someone who slips in and out of feeling empowered, I find it refreshing to spend time around empowered women who are also kind. An empowered woman person takes care of herself and others. (You can’t have one with out the other. (wink.))

Anyway, it was an enlivening experience and I definitely plan on returning every month, if I can. To have an opportunity to meet new people, experience a new environment, connect through art, share my work, be inspired by others’ work, play a new role in this community, gain potential new readers, and have something to write about on ZOELAB!

Oh, and I wanted to share the words from my brother’s email (who gave me permission to publish) that I read at the reading after I finished my essay. 

Subject: designer jeans

I just bought my first pair - and they're great, Italian I think, and very comfortable.

The transformation is now complete.  You and I have officially switched places.

I am the bourgeois hedonist and you are the spiritual ascetic.  

Love,

GG

READ: GeGe Mei Mei Post

Shout out: Happy Birthday Dear One, you know who you are!) Or am I day off?

First Open Reading, Part One

ZOELAB DAY 107

Original Date of Post: Sunday, December 16, 2012

Today I participated in my first “open reading.” In Todos Santos, a town close to where we live, a married gringo couple has been holding once a month open readings for many years at an open air restaurant inside an art gallery. I had been hearing and reading announcements about it for the four years that I have lived here, and I would always think to myself, ‘I should do that!’, but I had never attended it, until yesterday.

Because it is an open reading, anyone can read something. The only parameters are that you must read an original work, and you must keep it at five minutes or less. This week, after four years of putting it off, I decided that it was time for me to read something. I guess I was just ready. 

A few months ago I received an email from a man, who wrote about what a good writer I was and was curious to know about my writing process. At first I was overjoyed to receive a compliment, but then I realized I had no idea who the person was who was writing me, and that he wasn’t actually writing to me. (He was writing to my personal email so I knew he wasn’t writing about ZOELAB.) By googling him, I found out he was one of the people who ran the open reading. I emailed him back to let him know his email came to me by mistake. It turned out he meant to be writing to a different Zoë--but somehow had sent it to my email instead. 

The Zoë he was writing to is 13 years old. I found out later, that she had been taking a writing class with the him and he was giving her feedback via email. The other Zoë I also know as she and her brother are close friends with the two sisters I taught a film class to, which resulted in a 6 minute film that the girls (11 and 13 who were 10 and 12 when we started) wrote, directed, and acted in. Anyway, I knew the other Zoë, and her brother, also, because I had given each of them a haircut several years ago. Her brother who was 7 at the time, had requested a mohawk. I was nervous I’d get in trouble with his parents if I did it, so I gave him a “normal” looking haircut and just styled his hair to look like a mohawk. A week ago, I received another email from the organizer of the open reading, again by accident, this one thanking the participants for sharing their work. I decided it was a sign from the universe that I needed to read something at the open reading.

I knew right away what I wanted to read. The two part piece I wrote about my brother--GeGe & MeiMei (the Chinese words for older brother and younger sister). I chose it because it was both light and open hearted, and because I had received more feedback about it than any other piece I’ve written. Also, I had recently received an email from my brother entitled “designer jeans.” I decided to share the words from my brother at the reading.  I practiced reading the piece aloud to see how long it would take, I put my timer on and it beeped half way through. So I had to edit it, and quickly, as I had to leave in thirty minutes. I crossed out paragraphs and sections, timed myself again, and knew it was still too long, so I picked a few more lines to take out. I had never edited something so quickly in my life, and it was freeing to do it. I felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants, and that, for some reason, is the style in which I like to do things. In fact, the best advice I ever got from a writing teacher was to edit in an intuitive way rather than in a mental way. Play with your words, and let yourself sense what doesn’t need to be there. In this case, it was easy as I had no choice, and it was just a temporary restructuring. 

To be continued...