ZOËLAB: THE LIFE AS ART BLOG
The 2019 January Art Journaling/Blogging Challenge is Here!
The January 2019 Art Journaling/Blogging Challenge is Here!
Join me on Tuesday, January 1st 2019 for my third January Art Journal Challenge!
I am thrilled to be offering my Third January Art Journal Challenge. This creative challenge combines Art Journaling and Blogging. Meaning, if you choose to join this challenge, you can pick one of these daily practices, or both—alternating between the two, however you feel inclined to do it. In some cases your art journaling practice might become a digitized blog post.
If you do not have a blog, but have always wanted to start one, this is a great opportunity for you to get your blog jump started. In fact, this challenge was inspired by my first blogging project, ZOELAB 365, where I committed to blogging every day for a year in order to lift myself out of postpartum depression. And let me tell you, it worked. That year was the most creatively fulfilling of my life, and planted the seeds for the many inspiring projects I am now doing out in the world.
This year, I am offering the challenge as a pay to play. For only $1 A Day, $31 in total, you will receive:
1) Access to the private Facebook Group only for the Challenge Participants
2) Daily journal/blog prompts or creative assignments designed to help deepen your connection to your intuition & creative flow
3) Daily inspiration
4) Daily Support from Zoë - you will get feedback from your posts, answers to your questions and other forms of guidance
5) Support form the community of people also doing this challenge
6) A chance to win a free 90 minute coaching discovery session with Zoë! For all who complete the challenge, send Zoë an email by February 2 stating that you completed all 31 days of the challenge. The winner will be chosen at random on February 3rd.
How does the 31 Day Art Journal Challenge work?
1) Sign up here. It’s $31 for the month of January.
2) Once you have signed up, you will receive an email from me with a link to the private Facebook Group.
3) Starting on January 1st, 2019! You will receive a prompt and/or creative assignment every day in the Facebook Group. If you are not a Facebook user, you can still do the challenge. The prompts & assignments can be emailed to you. However, you will not be able to participate in the group experience or receive feedback.
4) Complete the prompts either in your journal or on your computer (if you are blogging) or alternate between the digital and analogue. I recommend an 8.5 x 11 blank journal. You can order a journal like the one you see on the right, here. Use whatever supplies appeal to you. For some prompts certain supplies may be suggested.
5) Another exciting option is that you can participate in the Sketchbook Project at the Brooklyn Art Library in conjunction with this challenge. Sign up for the Sketchbook Project by January 9th, by buying a sketch book from them, which you can complete as part of this challenge. After you are done, mail your filled sketchbook for them to keep in their library, which features the largest collection of sketchbooks in the world!
5) Feel free to post your art journal pages, blog posts (from the challenge), questions, process, or anything that relates the topic of art journaling and blogging in the Facebook group. That is your space to connect with others as well as with me.
6) If you enjoy posting your pages on social media, please use the hashtag: #31dayjournalblogchallengejan19
I imagine everyone's reasons for joining this challenge will be varied. It may be because you want to get back into your writing and/or your art again in a daily way. You may just be to learn about art journaling. For some, it may be an opportunity to have a quiet moment to connect with yourself. And for others, it might a wild time to experiment, with no goal other than to unleash your creativity. And for all of us, hopefully, it is simply a way to practice and increase self connection and love! You may discover some new reasons along the way.
For me, this year's challenge is about three things:
1) To promote the inspiring, creative & healthy practice of art journaling and blogging
2) To build online community through creativity and authentic connection
3) To promote the practice of self connection
What is art journaling?
Art Journaling is a process that combines visual art (drawing, painting, collage, or photography) and words. Art Journaling can consist of intimate journal entries, poetry, doodling, hand lettering, free associative writing, list-making, goal-setting and planning. Putting those two aspects of our experience together on the same page: visual and verbal is the common ground for all art journaling.
My version of art journaling is unique in that it combines techniques, theories, and assignments from my work as an expressive arts therapist and creativity coach. For the past six years, I have been teaching Art Journal Lab, a class that combines these techniques, in Todos Santos, Mexico, near where I live. I teach people the tools, philosophy and basic skills they need to interact with the different parts of self, which I refer to as the inner family of self. I create a structure that makes it possible to connect to the invisible parts that we feel, but don’t always acknowledge or express.
You do not have to be a trained artist or serious writer to do art journaling. Anyone who can pick up a pen or pencil and has a blank book can do art journaling. There are no special supplies that are necessary, though I will be sharing some of my favorite tools during the challenge. One of my life's missions is to show how everyone is creative, and that the arts were meant to be used by all of humanity as a tool to discover the soul, and to engage in life in a more balanced, compassionate way. Through our engagement with the arts, we are able to make space for expressing the darkness, the unconscious parts of the Self, instead of acting those parts out on others. It is particularly this, this engagement with the shadow (the parts of us we do not see or do now want to see, or feel) that is the creative gold of this work. When we have the courage to bring our light of consciousness to our own shadow, we are able to unearth our previously buried psychic energy so we can make use of even our darkest pain.
What is blogging?
As many of us know, the reasons and ways to blog can vary greatly. It can be a tool to promote business, a way to keep track of your travels or other kinds of adventures, or a way to promote and share your creative work, political ideas, or simply to connect with your inner life. Whether it is for your business, for personal, or political expression, I believe a successful blog always stems from personal truth. If your business or your politics has no degree of personal connection for you, then perhaps you already have a great topic to or journal or blog about why this is so.
The most difficult and most important part of what it means to blog, or even journal, is that it is regular. It is also, as many bloggers will attest, the key to success. (Success = getting readers to read your blog.) From my experiences with daily practices, which is something I promote in my art journal lab class, as well as personally, I have come to believe in the amazing power of creating a daily practice, especially something that helps you connect with yourself, with the invisible world, feelings and other parts of us that we usually work hard to avoid, push down or unconsciously act out on others. These types of inward-directed daily practices keep us holistically healthy because they keep us connected to something true and deep in us. These kinds of daily practices have helped me out depression, anxiety, a sense of loss, relationship issues, and more. They have helped me enormously with my creativity as an artist and as a mom and human being—when you do something daily, it forces you to be more creative with it—otherwise you get bored. We tend to look for new ways, new approaches when we know we have to do it everyday.
So, use the term blogging however you feel connected to it—my definition is as follows:
To share words and images (hopefully self-generated) online about any topic, as long as it has has meaning or importance to you personally. One additional other feature: it must be dated for it to be a blog post, otherwise it is just a webpage. The date makes it time-connected, and therefore, applicable to a certain moment of time for you. This is the same for art journaling.
I love blogging because it delivers a sense of immediacy that appeals to the performer in me. Blogging is a digital performance—the act of baring a personal truth, an art piece, or just a slice of life, with others, sometimes strangers, sometimes not, brings me a certain thrill. If it doesn’t feel thrilling, a tiny bit risky, I usually don’t blog about it. For each of us the thrill will come for different reasons, in different areas. What is risky for me may not feel risky for you. And so it is very much up to you to come up with your own topics to write about. A blog post can be very simple or complex. There is no rule in this department. A blog post might simply be sharing a photograph you took that day and sharing a little caption or small story or sentence that explains it. Other times a blog post might be a highly informative piece that is designed to help and/or inside others learn a specific skill (EG: this post you are reading now.) Some blog posts have taken me 15 minutes to create, others have taken many hours. Neither is better than the other—the beauty of blogging is that it keeps going. We can’t get to hung up on our last blog post, because we are already thinking about our next one! This represents the natural flow of life. We cannot afford to get perfectionistic about our daily practices, they are designed for us to make mistakes, and to learn and grow from them, that is why they are practices. If you think of your blog or your art journaling as a practice and it will help you let go of the inner critic.
The reasons I host creative challenges it to help connect people to their creativity, passion and personal truth. Doing something every day creates a new habit that is affirming and helps you grow--expanding your sense of authentic self that you bring into the world. It is most certainly a challenge to do something everyday with out fail. But it is also very rewarding, and the sense of accomplishment from completing a whole month with a daily creative practice is a real thrill.
I can't wait to see what it might do for you!
Love & Creativity,
Zoë
Driving North on Independence Day
A photo essay of our road trip from Elias Calles, BCS to Los Angeles California
Dia De Muertos, A Magical Day of Creativity & Community in Todos Santos
A very special day filled with art & community in Todos Santos in photos.
Thursday, November 2nd, A Day in Our Life
7 AM - Wake up in panic. We need to put together a Dia de Muertos costume for Emilio’s costume contest and school
7:15 AM - Drinking coffee, because nothing happens until I drink my coffee
7:20 AM - Looking for and finding old face paint in my camper/studio that I haven’t used or cleaned in two years
7:25 AM - Looking through my collection of costumes, finding an old hat of mine, and fishing out Emilio’s hole-filled pants from the hamper
7:45 AM - Applying make up to Emilio’s Face feeling rushed, stressed and inadequate as mother
8:15 AM - Drop Emilio and his friends at school
9:30 AM - Look desperately through the mess in my house to find my painting pants, paint brushes (which I haven’t used in many years) and pallet
10:30 AM - Show up at the wall at the Cultural Center in Todos Santos, find my spot and start painting my skull
3:30 PM - Emilio comes to help me paint. I find out he won first prize at the costume contest at school
5:30 PM - Finish up my skull and go to Hotel Casa Tota to be fed and quenched. Sit with old and new friends and celebrate
7:00 PM - Head to the Town Plaza to see the beautiful ofrenda, Emilio, friends and other offerings
8:00 PM - JJ does a puppet show and dance party for los niños. All the kids get up on stage and dance with him
8:30 PM - I am unexpectedly invited to dance along with the Mojiganga giant puppet show that Emilio has been helping to paint on for weeks with Maria at Puente de Milagros
8:30 - Fretting I am wearing nothing but my dirty painting clothes, and therefore am not prepared to perform on stage, I go to get my face painted as a clown skull in two minutes by the lovely Zephyr at the Puente de Milagros booth
8:40 PM: I am suddenly on stage with Maria, Emilio, Ashta, a group of adorable children of all ages and from all places, and am helping to lead the children in an improvised dance that supports the energy of each Mojiganga— Earth, Fire, Wind & Water. JJ is playing bass, electronic beats and another woman is singing a haunting melody. I am dancing and my body is aching from painting all day, but I still release the energy needed. We are joined by a team of drummers, including Kurtis & my mother in law Ruth
9:20 PM: Done with the performance, all of us exhausted, Lucas Emilio and I head to the ice-cream parlor for a treat
Meta Lab: Definition
Inspired by yesterday’s post about both/and I have created a one sentence description of ZOELAB that includes pretty much everything that it needs to include.
ZOELAB DAY 106
Date of Original Post: December 15, 2012
I’ve been working hard, staying up way too late, working on the new additions to the ZOELAB website experience. I’ve been excited about it, excited to share it. Just now, I hit publish. It’s uploading as I type this. Part of what I want to add to the new website is the ABOUT page. It’s really held me up because I’ve found it so difficult to describe what this project is because it’s so many things all at once. Since the day I conceived this project, I have kept a giant and growing list of all the different titles and descriptions for what ZOELAB is. I couldn’t possibly fit everything into one title or description. My solution was to call it ZOELAB (Lucas’ idea) and then having a running list of alternate descriptions on the upper left hand corner of the masthead. However, I want to have something a little more descriptive on the ABOUT page.
Inspired by yesterday’s post about both/and I have created a one sentence description of ZOELAB that includes pretty much everything that it needs to include.
I am considering swapping out what’s written on the about page for this. Or perhaps, I will just link to this page on the ABOUT page. I imagine this sentence will continue to be adjusted:
Does that about sum it up, or did I miss something? Let me know what you think.
That Which Hinders Your Task Is Your Task
Do you ever have the feeling that you’re doing something no one’s ever done before? It’s a frightening feeling, even though it's the mind thinks it’s impossible. It’s the feeling of falling. But it’s also a fast and low feeling, like driving a motor boat or a car. A feeling that splits open the ego and lets the heart shine. I have that feeling now. And then suddenly, it’s gone. I waver somewhere between velocity and fear.
ZOELAB DAY 101
Original Date of Post: December 10, 2012
Sometimes life is about forgetting and remembering. I forget daily what it is that mattered to me most last time I felt inspired.
Do you ever have the feeling that you’re doing something no one’s ever done before? It’s a frightening feeling, even though it's the mind thinks it’s impossible. It’s the feeling of falling. But it’s also a fast and low feeling, like driving a motor boat or a car. A feeling that splits open the ego and lets the heart shine. I have that feeling now. And then suddenly, it’s gone. I waver somewhere between velocity and fear.
Have you ever dreamed of living an enchanted life? Filled with joy, heartache and mystery. My kind of enchantment includes mess, and acceptance too. Which brings me down to the ground. Which is often where I most need to be.
Stating where I am changes it inevitably. A block is only a block until I become aware of it, and then it is something to write about. Making art is sometimes about working through your anxiety. About showing up, about putting images and thoughts in the bank to be connected later.
Just now I received an email from my dad. This is what he wrote:
I see you're 'blocked' as you report. But don't forget I find your three spray bottles a targeted commentary on modern life: we have so much, so many choices it's necessary to wall them off and give each its own function. This bottle is for cleaning, this bottle is for cleaning delicate vegetables, and this bottle is for cleaning babies' bottoms. Whatever. It's a remarkable image: three folks facing each other in a stand off. It, along with your various "museums," is fun and revealing to explore. Isn't it great to have a reservoir of images to fall back on when the well seems a bit dry?! If you end up missing a few days here and there it only shows you're human like the rest of us. Lighten up and fly right.
And in another email, coincidentally, I received this quote:
“Knowing nothing need be done is where we begin to move from.”
I let go and I am able to move forward. I feel taken care of.
31 Day Art Journaling and Blogging Challenge
Join me for my latest creative challenge! 31 Days of Art Journaling and/or Blogging for January 2017
Join me on January 1st 2017 for my next 31 day challenge. I will be blogging and/or art journaling every day for the month of January in order to promote art journaling, return to my hiatus from blogging regularly, and to develop my art journal lab online course which I plan to release on my website in 2017.
This creative challenge combines Art Journaling and Blogging. Meaning, if you choose to join this challenge, you can pick one of these daily practices, or both—alternating between the two, however you feel inclined to do it. In some cases your art journaling practice might become a digitized blog post.
I imagine your reasons for joining this challenge will be varied. Some may use it as a way to get back into blogging or to start your first blog. For some, it may be a very private practice of meditative writing and drawing. And for others, it might a wild time to experiment, with no goal other than to unleash your creativity.
For me it is about four things: 1) To get back into blogging 2) To develop and my material for the upcoming art journal lab online course 3) To promote and teach art journaling 4) To attract new readers to my blog
What is art journaling?
Art Journaling is a process that combines visual art (drawing, painting, collage, or photography) and text. Art Journaling can consist of intimate journal entries, poetry, doodling, hand lettering, free associative writing, list-making. Putting those two aspects of our experience together on the same page: visual and verbal is the basis for all art journaling.
My version of art journaling combines techniques, theories, and assignments from my work as an expressive arts therapist and creativity coach. I also have been teaching Art Journal Lab, a class that combines these techniques, in Todos Santos for the past five years. I teach people the tools, philosophy and basic skills they need to interact with the different parts of self, which I refer to as the inner family of self. I create a structure that makes it possible to connect to the invisible parts that we feel, but don’t always acknowledge or express. I have a Masters’s in Counseling Psychology, with a focus on Expressive Arts Therapy, meaning I use drama, dance, music, writing and visual art as a form of therapeutic intervention with the goal of integrating the personality, healing trauma and practicing new ways of being. I also teach creativity, not only for all types of artists, but for anyone who wants to practice a more empowered, creative and compassionate way of being in the world. I believe the most important relationship we have is with ourselves, but this is often the relationship that gets shoved by the wayside as we tend to prioritize everything else: our spouse or partner, our children, our work, our home, our family of origin. I believe if we cannot engage in a creative, conscious, curious and compassionate way with ourselves, we are not living up to our full potential and cannot offer the full version of ourselves to anything we do. The more we know ourselves, and ultimately, accept and love ourselves, the more good we can do for our families, friends, communities and our world. It’s an inside out approach—which is the reverse of what we have been trained to do in our culture.
You do not have to be a trained artist or writer to do art journaling. Anyone who can pick up a pen or pencil and has a blank book can do art journaling. There are no special supplies that are necessary, though I will be sharing some of my favorite tools on the blog. My mission in life for a while now, has been to show how everyone is creative, and that the arts were meant to be used by all of humanity as a tool to discover the soul, and to engage in life in a more balanced, compassionate way. Through our engagement with the arts, we are able to make space for expressing the darkness, the unconscious parts of ourself, instead of acting those parts out on others. It is particularly this, this engagement with the shadow (the parts of us we do not see or do now want to see, or feel) that is the creative gold of this work. When we have the courage to bring our light of consciousness to our own shadow, we are able to unearth our previously buried psychic energy so we can make use of even our darkest pain.
I know this not only from the work I have done with my students and clients, but also from my own personal journey, which I recently shared in my talk at Women Awakening, the first women’s summit in Todos Santos. In my talk, I shared my philosophy, artwork, music and personal story, about what it means to be yourself, which is about being, and ultimately loving, all your selves. Sharing this talk was a personal revelation for me, as I discovered what it felt like to open myself up and share authentically, weaving my professional, personal, intellectual and artistic life in one space. My goal, recently, has been to integrate these disparate parts of myself. I have intuitively felt that this way we separate our different selves is not just a problem for me, but for many others, and especially for women, who struggle so much with disappearing into our roles. The goal is not to disappear into any one role, but to bring your whole self to every role you do, so you have access to all your selves whenever you need them. I believe this is the goal of human development. And through our working with what we are, in an honest way, we also access our spiritual power. It has been my experience that when we contact our soul, spirit arrives, aiding that process.
What is Blogging?
As many of us know, the reasons and ways to blog can vary greatly. It can be a tool to promote business, a way to keep track of your travels or other kinds of adventures, or a way to promote and share your creative work, political ideas, or simply to connect with your inner life. Whether it is for your business, for personal, or political expression, I believe a successful blog always stems from personal truth. If your business or your politics has no degree of personal connection for you, then perhaps you already have a great topic to or journal or blog about why this is so.
The most difficult and most important part of what it means to blog, or even journal, is that it is regular, preferably daily. It is also, as many bloggers will attest, the key to success. (Getting readers to read your blog.) From my experiences with daily practices, which is something I promote in my art journal lab class, as well as personally, I have come to believe in the amazing power of creating a daily practice, especially something that helps you connect with yourself, with the invisible world, feelings and other parts of us that we usually work hard to avoid, push down or unconsciously act out on others. These types of inward-directed daily practices keep us holistically healthy because they keep us connected to something true and deep in us. These kinds of daily practices have helped me out depression, anxiety, a sense of loss, relationship issues, and more. They have helped me enormously with my creativity as an artist and as a mom and human being—when you do something daily, it forces you to be more creative with it—otherwise you get bored. We tend to look for new ways, new approaches when we know we have to do it everyday.
So, use the term blogging however you feel connected to it—my definition is as follows:
To share words and images (hopefully self-generated) online about any topic, as long as it has has meaning or importance to you personally. One additional other feature: it must be dated for it to be a blog post, otherwise it is just a webpage. The date makes it time-connected, and therefore, applicable to a certain moment of time for you. This is the same for art journaling.
I love blogging because it delivers a sense of immediacy that appeals to the performer in me. Blogging is a digital performance—the act of baring a personal truth, an art piece, or just a slice of life, with others, sometimes strangers, sometimes not, brings me a certain thrill. If it doesn’t feel thrilling, a tiny bit risky, I usually don’t blog about it. For each of us the thrill will come for different reasons, in different areas. What is risky for me may not feel risky for you. And so it is very much up to you to come up with your own topics to write about. A blog post can be very simple or complex. There is no rule in this department. A blog post might simply be sharing a photograph you took that day and sharing a little caption or small story or sentence that explains it. Other times a blog post might be a highly informative piece that is designed to help and/or inside others learn a specific skill (EG: this post you are reading now.) Some blog posts have taken me 15 minutes to create, others have taken four hours. Neither is better than the other—the beauty of blogging is that it keeps going. We can’t get to hung up on our last blog post, because we are already thinking about our next one! This represents the natural flow of life. We cannot afford to get perfectionistic about our daily practices, they are designed for us to make mistakes, and to learn and grow from them, that is why they are practices. If you think of your blog or your art journaling as a practice and it will help you let go of the inner critic.
Those are the reasons I create these challenges--creativity, connection, personal truth. It is most certainly a challenge to do something everyday with out fail. But it is also very rewarding.
I can't wait to see what it might do for you!
STAY TUNED FOR JANUARY 2019 ART JOURNALING/BLOGGING CHALLENGE!
Blogging Out of A Block
It happened again. I created a challenge for myself to get myself out of a block, and then got blocked after the deadline came.
It happened again. I created a challenge for myself to get myself out of a block, and then got blocked after the deadline came.
In this case, my challenge was creating a blog post with a 15 minute time limit for the month of June. It went off swimmingly. I dared myself to share myself more authentically. I did some writing that thrilled me with its honesty. I got over my perfectionism. I learned how to do more breezy, shorter posts.
But... what happened after June 30th?
A three week block of postlessness that's ending right now.
I am currently in Massachusetts, visiting my parents with Mio. I am off my routine and in the land of easy comfort. Mio is in day camp. And I find myself with some delicious bug-free free time. But then the pressure is on.
Here are some difficult questions I am considering that I thought I'd share as a way to make contact again.
How do I share here when I am not sure what I have to say?
How do I convey my story in a way that integrates all my contradicting selves yet communicates what I need to say in a relatively precise way? How do I weave my personal history into a story that people relate to both in its specificity and its universality? How can I use simplicity to express complexity?
How do I stay connected to my authentic self while being away from my guitar, microphone, studio, husband, classes, therapist?
How do I reach more people?
How do I not spend all my money in the land of plenty?
How do I get feedback about my art? Meaning, how do I know if I am really reaching people with my personal or universal streams of consciousness? And if not, how do I go about getting closer to that connection?
How do I decide how transparent I am willing to be?
How do I help my parents accept my choice to live in Mexico?
A better question: how do I help myself accept their lack of acceptance?
GeGe & MeiMei, Part Two
The other lessons that came from Alexander were cultural. One day, sometime in the mid eighties, while waiting for the bus in Brooklyn, Alexander turned to me and gravely stated: “Promise me, Zoë, that you will never wear designer jeans.” I asked him why, and he said, “just promise me.” So I promised him.
Our feet at the beach in Rio 1999
ZOELAB DAY 67
The other lessons that came from Alexander were cultural. One day, sometime in the mid eighties, while waiting for the bus in Brooklyn, Alexander turned to me and gravely stated: “Promise me, Zoë, that you will never wear designer jeans.” I asked him why, and he said, “just promise me.” So I promised him. I didn’t figure that one out until a few years later. The ironic thing is the only designer jeans I have ever owned is a pair of turquoise Calvin Klein jeans that I had picked out and Alexander bought me as a birthday present three years ago.
And then there was the time I was sitting in my room, and Alexander walked in with a new record. It was David Bowie’s Changes. He showed it to me, and I asked him who it was, and he said David Bowie. I told him I thought he was a girl. And he said, well he’s not. Then he put the record on and I was transfixed.
When Alexander was in college, he majored in religion and philosophy. He was very interested in Buddhism, as well as other eastern thought. I was a senior in high school at the time, and curious about Buddhism--he recommended that I read the book “What the Buddha Taught” by Walpola Rahula. I read it and recognized what the buddha taught to be truth. But I also knew that I was not ready to transcend my ego. I knew I was still addicted to the highs and lows that ego attachment brings, and that I had I would return to Buddhism later in life.
A year later, I was to go to Beijing for a summer with my high school Chinese class to do a summer course in Chinese language. While I was preparing for my trip, and starting to feel anxious about going so far away, Alexander tried to give me courage. He said, I have three pieces of advise for you about your time in China: “1) Don’t bring your walkman. 2) Speak as much Chinese as you can. 3) Stay aware.” I actually can’t remember if I followed the first piece of advice, but I did follow the second one. I pushed through my fears, and struck up conversations with Chinese people as much as I could. I even made some Chinese friends. But number 3 is a piece of advice from Buddha, via Alexander, that has been with me my whole life. The experience of being aware, being the observer, not only of others, but of my own thoughts, actions and interactions, has led to much wisdom and relief from suffering. It is a wonderful piece of advice for teenager (who can be so self conscious).
During a summer visit from college, my brother introduced me to yoga. This was still the 1980‘s when people still aerobisized. I didn’t know anyone else who did yoga. He would practice his poses on the porch of our house in the Berkshires daily, and I found it fascinating to watch. I took black and white photographs and wrote a poem about it called Yoga in Earshot. A year later, I bought a book on yoga, and started doing headstands in college. I have continued to practice for all these years.
In high school, the influence that my brother had on me made me feel different from people, and sometimes alienated. He initiated me into the world of cultural criticism and spirituality. He inspired me to be rigorous in my thinking and to question everything. He became an anthropologist, sublimating his personal cultural alienation into a discipline of social science. And I became a therapist/artist, sublimating my sensitivity and emotionality into artmaking and helping others.
We have visited each other or traveled together in many parts in the world, including: Kenya, Tanzania, France, China, Vietnam, Brazil, Holland and Mexico. And now, in some ways, we are going in opposite directions--I have become a sort of society drop out, while at the same time using my memory and knowledge and personal experience to engage in a cultural dialogue. And him, a professor and writer in Amsterdam, living an urban plugged in life with all the bourgeois trappings. We are each going our own paths, influencing each other along the way. As I go, I continue to see all the little and big ways that Alexander’s early lessons have stayed with me. And now, more than ever. I probably won’t ever use Algebra or Latin ever again, and I do hope to play more basketball, but as I look at my life, I am continually reminded of his ideological and intellectual influence. He helped build my school confidence, and encouraged my development as an emotional spiritual intellectual. To illustrate his kind of influence, I will end with an excerpt from the personal statement I wrote for my undergraduate college application, which was an excerpt from my journal (which had only one section.)
And now I know everyone needs a voice, each person has her own but she needs another to feed on. Another to accept hers and expand its possibilities, to go beyond what is expected. I know that no one at high school is that voice. Alexander is that voice. And even though I have discovered his voice is not always perfect, not always consistent, it is alive. It is there. Not everyone has, or knows they have, or knows they need a voice. A voice of love, of understanding, of influence. I know my own voice follows love; love of the abstract, the personal, the unique… I need a reason to be voice. It has to be person, someone to speak to me… a voice that speaks to mine… My dream is to be a voice. Maybe it is a voice that quivers or that is shy, sensitive, or silly, but it is a voice that communicates.
Okay, now we’re going to the beach.
GeGe & MeiMei, Part One
In honor of his visit, I want to write a post about the person who had the biggest idealogical influence on me during my coming of age--my older brother, Alexander. Just last night, we were having an intense conversation about how freeand authentic I feel in our new life in the desert, and how strange and surprising it is that my life has taken this direction. I found myself confessing how deeply anti-capitalist I’ve become. At first, I sensed a hint of defensiveness on his part--as he had just confessed to his recent shopping spree in LA.
ZOELAB DAY 66
In honor of his visit, I want to write a post about the person who had the biggest idealogical influence on me during my coming of age--my older brother, Alexander. Just last night, we were having an intense conversation about how freeand authentic I feel in our new life in the desert, and how strange and surprising it is that my life has taken this direction. I found myself confessing how deeply anti-capitalist I’ve become. At first, I sensed a hint of defensiveness on his part--as he had just confessed to his recent shopping spree in LA. But then, the more we talked, he started to remember how it was when we were kids. When I was a young teenager, and he was an older teenager (he is three and a half years older) he would talk a lot about his alienation from American culture, and he would criticize not only capitalism, but the whole bourgeois way of life. There was a part of me that saw what he saw, and agreed with him, but I still loved shopping, American television and all the wonderful mass marketed consumer goods that America had to offer. To show how I grappled with his influence, I will quote from a section of my journal that I had called “Unorganized Thoughts.” My journal during that phase was a small 3 ring binder that had several sections separated by tabs, they were called: diary (a typical girls diary detailing dramas with friends, crushes, and reports of basketball games), Miscellaneous: Unorganized Thoughts, Writing, Vocabulary, and Lists (to do lists, Books I want to read, Famous Good Looking Men (formerly cute boys)). I was fifteen, a sophomore in high school, and he was eighteen, and was in his first year of college.
April 22, 1989:
[This started out as a poem, but kind of became a diary entry.]
I am an observer
of words
of actions
of relationships
I am a poet
or am I?
Is it critical to be clever
when writing poetry?
yes, I mean that in both senses.
Alexander is a bohemian intellectual
Is that what I sometimes
think I am?
Though I do no hate all T.V. except Channel 13
and I don’t only watch foreign movies
and I am not totally against
superficiality.
Though should I be?
I am allowed to be different than him.
I wondered at first, where did this drive or interest that I was intellectual or anti-America, or at least against some of the things that America represents like: Capitalism and well I don’t know exactly. But my point is that all this thought was instigated by the influences my brother has on me... I can’t align myself in this world. What the hell am I...
EARLY TEACHINGS: ALEXANDER’S SUMMER SCHOOL
BASKETBALL
The summer before 5th grade, Alexander decided that he was going to teach me how to play basketball. He took me every week to one of the schoolyards in our neighborhood, and showed me how to dribble and shoot. Sometimes we’d play “around the world” or “HORSE”. If there were other kids his age around, he’d play a little one-on-one, while I watched. Afterwards, he bought me a Welsh's Strawberry soda. There was only one store I knew of that sold it, and it was across the street from PS51-where the court was. I felt pretty cool playing basketball, and ended up playing on my school’s basketball team for seven years.
LATIN
The summer before 6th grade, before I was to enter a new school, a private school that didn’t have grades, but written reports, and taught subjects like painting, poetry, modern dance, Latin, Chinese, where you were encouraged to think for yourself and write essays, Alexander decided that I should learn Latin. He knew I would be learning Latin the upcoming year, but he wanted me to have a head start. We spent the summer at our house in The Berkshires, and Alexanderheld daily lessons on the grass. He even gave me quizzes. My first lesson was to memorize the conjugation of love: Amo Amas Amat Amamus Amatis Amant. I repeated over and over until it became an automatic mantra. And I still remember it. Though I never did study more than one year of latin--the next year I switched to Chinese.
ALGEBRA
The summer before 10th grade, Alexander decided it was time for me to learn algebra. Again, he wanted to me to be prepared for the subject when it was to be introduced the following school year. I don’t remember what instigated this, perhaps it was a compassionate response my expressions of insecurity about new school subjects. In Elementary school, I had had low self esteem and school anxiety. Every summer I would fear that I wouldn’t be able to handle the next grade. My parents had to reassure me by saying that everyone was going up a grade, and we would all be in it together. I don’t know if it was because of Alexander’s teachings, but I ended up loving algebra, and even though it was difficult, I did well in the class. There was something about the abstraction and the perfection that appealed to me. I really surprised myself with that one.
Deregulated, then Supported
My brother has come from Amsterdam for a visit! I am very happy about it.
The past few weeks, I got a little knocked off my routine due to work. My work is fun, and enlivening, but it brings me away from the inner world. It is a saving grace to have ZOELAB to bring me back to that other, emotional and subtle world of experience and expression.
ZOELAB DAY 65
My brother has come from Amsterdam for a visit! I am very happy about it.
The past few weeks, I got a little knocked off my routine due to work. My work is fun, and enlivening, but it brings me away from the inner world. It is a saving grace to have ZOELAB to bring me back to that other, emotional and subtle world of experience and expression. Normally, getting knocked off my routine would result in feeling lost, but thanks to this built in structure, I cannot get lost for very long. This is something I like to teach in my workshops: structure or routine is very useful for our creative productivity.
I was feeling uninspired and exhausted and was considering giving in to the temptation of losing myself even more into someone else’s world in a movie rather than engaging in a ZOELAB process. I decided to check my email, and had received a birthday note from a dear artist friend and loyal reader who sent me some very inspiring words of encouragement about my new paintings, (and play dough) which lifted me up. It was just enough to give me the ignition to dig down through the tiredness, and produce another painting about the experience of deregulation and then support. I also had a wonderful phone conversation with another dear artist friend earlier today, which helped put into focus how important it is to support art-making--our own and each other’s.
It’s a wonderful reminder to all who risk existing in the precarious and vulnerable territory of being an artist. I give a lot of thought to what it means to be an artist and how difficult it is and how strong one has to be. We live in a culture where the arts are not as supported as they should be. Not only on a governmental, financial level, but on an unconscious cultural level. We all carry around with us mostly unconscious assumptions about what it is to be an artist. There is a voice in us that supports those assumptions, the voice can be subtle, so it is not always easy to catch it. I have spoken with many self-professed and closeted artists about the discouraging voice they carry with them, and how often it keeps them doing what they need to do. It takes real strength and courage to keep creating, despite this voice, which I call the inner critic. The more aware we are of our inner critic and the familiar phrases it tells us, the more likely we are to defeat him/her. If we are not aware of the presence of the inner critic, we unconsciously project him/her onto others around us, or the general public, rather than seeing that our biggest detractor is most often inside us already. I know the inner critic to say such things as “no one cares about your art, it’s too personal. It’s not really art. It’s selfish to be an artist. Your writing is too serious, not enough humor. No one cares about abstract art. People feel alienated when you talk about spirituality.” Etc., etc. etc. I don’t mean to say that the inner critic doesn’t have some use, but too often it comes in too early or too strongly, before we are ready to put our work under the discerning and sometimes distorted eye of the inner critic.
I find that the antidote to the spell that the critic puts us under is reminding ourselves that it is not up to us to judge the work we make, we make art out of human and spiritual necessity. It is the need to express, communicate to ourselves and to others. To find different forms of language within the realm of imagination, dreams, emotion, the body. To use our creativity to find new ways of experiencing and describing that experience. We share our art with others so that we can make a full circle of connection. Not to judge or be judged. We all need to support ourselves and each other, so that we keep finding the courage to create.
Thank you to all of you that have encouraged and supported me in this project. Your encouragement inspires me to keep encouraging others.
Birthday Wishes
I turned 39 today. I worked all day and got to spend no time with family or friends. I got lots of virtual love but Little Zoë feels neglected.
ZOELAB DAY 64
I turned 39 today. I worked all day and got to spend no time with family or friends. I got lots of virtual love but Little Zoë feels neglected. I am going to buy her a vintage “gold” heart necklace, break my sugar diet with a piece of wedding cake, and make a photo collage.
Checking In
It’s a new month, (my favorite) and the beginning of a new season. The busy-ness is upon me. Weddings and such. I wish I had more time to commune, relax, create, share on here. But in the spirit of keeping up, and not letting perfection get in my way, here is a list that sums up last month for me:
ZOELAB DAY 63
It’s a new month, (my favorite) and the beginning of a new season. The busy-ness is upon me. Weddings and such. I wish I had more time to commune, relax, create, share on here. But in the spirit of keeping up, and not letting perfection get in my way, here is a list that sums up last month for me:
discovered new (for me) art form :
illustrations using watercolor or gauche and fine pen!
discovered other new art form:
(photographic chronological autobiography)
got through summer and am enjoying early fall weather
Didn’t get any sewing done
Got to re-connect with old friends through internet
Discovered some amazing blogs
Found new ways to bring new readers to this blog
(through my grad school)
Received encouraging comments
Gave up sugar
Got sick and recovered twice
Experiencing the full circle contagion of inspiration
Is this daily project of ZOELAB increasing my happiness and creativity and connection to self and others?
YES
Is it creating a challenge with my relationship
with my family and housework?
YES
Is it worth it?
YES
Instead of Television
Usually my desire is to paint something abstract, with no plan at all. But pressured myself into painting something figurative so I painted a picture of a woman with my hairstyle. It was flat and lifeless. Then I let myself paint the painting I really wanted to make. This is improvisational painting, when I get to have fun with paint, experimenting with different layers of translucency and colors and forms. I layered and layered and layered and then I looked at my painting and I knew what I had painted. It was an image of the infestation of single celled organisms living in my intestine.
ZOELAB DAY 51
For almost two weeks, I have been suffering from a lower intestinal infection of some variety of bacteria or protozoa. Don’t worry, I won’t give the intimate details, but the point is I haven’t been feeling well. I have been powering through it, trying to keep on living as always. The last few days I have tried to changing my eating habits (eating only simple foods and absolutely no sugar) hoping not to encourage the beasts inside, which has alleviated the pain and urgency, but has brought on a different sensation that I am not fond of: hunger. I don’t do well with hunger, I become testy, unfunny, and spacey. It is very hard to write, let alone think, in such conditions.
Through much of this I have been trying to write this seemingly endless manifesto on my relationship with television, which I am taking a break from for a moment, but plan to continue later today. I was unable to write last night (and every day I am catching up on the post from the day before.) Yes, I recognize that in the big picture, if I break my commitment to make a post one day there will be no real consequences. I have a very small readership, and most of my readers don’t read every day. But still, I am a woman of my word. And if I say I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it. However, my health is adversely affecting my ability to keep up with ZOELAB at the level that I would like. Additionally, the organization of the household, my job, my parenting, my physical self-care—all are faltering. In other words, I feel pressured and overwhelmed. And the worst part is, the pressure is self-generated, so I can’t blame anyone but myself.
This morning I wanted to spend some quality time with Emilio before Lucas whisked him off for the day so that I can spend some time catching up and unwinding myself. I told Emilio we could do anything he wanted (except watch a show, which was the thing he most wanted). He chose to make watercolors together. After we got our paper out, he asked, as he often does, what I was going to paint.
[I was just interrupted by our neighbor who wanted to find out if we knew of anyone interested in buying the land he has for sale. See post in reference to this land. He told me if someone is interested, he will knock 15,000 pesos off the price. About $1,200 dollars]
I told him I didn’t know. Usually my desire is to paint something abstract, with no plan at all. But pressured myself into painting something figurative so I painted a picture of a woman with my hairstyle. It was flat and lifeless. Then I let myself paint the painting I really wanted to make. This is improvisational painting, when I get to have fun with paint, experimenting with different layers of translucency and colors and forms. I layered and layered and layered and then I looked at my painting and I knew what I had painted. It was an image of the infestation of single celled organisms living in my intestine. This is a great example of accidental expressive arts therapy. My unconscious gave me this image as a reminder to go easy on myself, to not push myself beyond what I can reasonably do. To write this post instead of pushing ahead with what I woke up at 6:30 to write this morning about--The Office. Instead of writing last night, I fell asleep while doing “research” (watching episodes of The Office). Once again, I am reminded: Start from where you are. That which hinders your task is your task.
This reminds me of what was more present with me last month, if you are a parent, and want to be creatively productive and happy, organization is key. I find that I sometimes get ahead of myself, wanting to “do” before I am ready, before I am organized. I often find myself struggling in the balance between organization and creation. Creation is usually the messy, expressive side of the duality. Organization is the mental, linear part. Both are necessary if you are trying to achieve something difficult. I have so many things I want to do, and sometimes I jump into them before I am ready. During those times what I really need is to take a breath first, and actually plan and organize first. Hence, I become a listmaker. But a list is not always enough. Because the lists pile up and then the lists need to be categorized, prioritized. Then the list becomes creation in itself, and I get lost. It becomes a vicious cycle. Listmaking can sometimes increase the overwhelming feelings, and the only way to feel better is to take a deep breath, and just start doing something. Anything. What helps to ward off the overwhelm is to stay present in the doing. If I’m washing dishes, for example, I focus my attention to the senses: the feeling of the water and soap on my hands, the view out the window. And try to ignore the grumbling monologue in my head “I hate washing dishes. I just washed all the dishes yesterday. It’s endless. Just endless. I can never get ahead. I can never get ahead with everything. Really what I need to be doing right now is make that phone call for work. But I don’t have the phone number…” That monologue is always there, but we don’t always have to give it attention. We can put our attention in the physical realm, the realm of the senses. This is a way of focusing my attention. Another way of saying it is, presence. Being in the present moment. Slowing down enough to feel the floor under my feet and the breeze on my skin. This creates space in me and around me. So the task before today is to breathe, slow down, and focus on one thing at a time. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Meta Lab
We survived the hurricane. It didn’t really hit us directly, it was a spin off storm that hit us. That’s what Part Two of that poem was about (in case it wasn’t clear). My desk and all my books had to be moved, and are still in disarray so I have became a bit disoriented, ungrounded. We had no internet, no cell service for a few days as well.
ZOELAB DAY 48
We survived the hurricane. It didn’t really hit us directly, it was a spin off storm that hit us. That’s what Part Two of that poem was about (in case it wasn’t clear). My desk and all my books had to be moved, and are still in disarray so I have became a bit disoriented, ungrounded. We had no internet, no cell service for a few days as well.
So, now what?
Well, I’ve been working on the back end of the creative organization of this site. It takes time, and I hope it will be done by the end of the month. Also, I’ve been working on bring new readers here. I am discovering, when you put yourself out there, in whatever capacity, when you don’t get a positive response or any response at all, it is far more pleasant and encouraging, to think of the lack of response not as rejection, but that you just haven’t found your people yet. Don’t worry, I tell myself. They’re out there. If you build it, they will come. The truth is, with the exception of a few friends and family who have written to me, I have no idea who is reading this. It is a wildly risky feeling.
That being said, I did receive some encouraging and heartwarming comments recently that I would like to share. I am going to start creating comment pages in response to particular posts. Because this blog is independent, I don’t have the automatic comment buttons that blogs created from blog sites have. Everything I build I build from scratch. Well, virtual scratch. Also, I don’t want to send out group emails or lean on advertising, so the only way to spread the word is individual by individual. It is time-consuming, but it is also deeply rewarding, as I am opening connections with people, and hoping to engage in dialogues about the creative process, parenting, inspiration, happiness, or anything else that feels mutually important.
I feel deeply heartened, as well, because a dear friend of mine sent me his novel, which I have started to read with great enthusiasm. I was so honored and felt, maybe, in some tiny way, that what I am doing here had given him the en(courage)ment to send it to me. Another reader had written about risking failure, and his participation in a music contest. Another reader wrote how the post about empowerment affected her posture that day. These comments will be added soon. And I welcome more comments, and more readers. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I do believe it takes a community to make an artist.
GROOVETROTTERS
We had Georgie and Vinnie over for a sleepover last night, who are still here, while the Groovetrotters (their older brothers and dad) performed their regular gig last night at a Pan Asian restaurant. I had done a photoshoot with the Groovetrotters the day before. They will use one of the photos for their new ad for their Friday night gigs at the restaurant, which will be displayed on a huge billboard on the way into Todos Santos.
ZOELAB 365 DAY 42
We had Georgie and Vinnie over for a sleepover last night, who are still here, while the Groovetrotters (their older brothers and dad) performed their regular gig last night at a Pan Asian restaurant. I had done a photoshoot with the Groovetrotters the day before. They will use one of the photos for their new ad for their Friday night gigs at the restaurant, which will be displayed on a huge billboard on the way into Todos Santos. This will be my largest and most seen display of photography. Here are a few of my favorites from the shoot:
This last one above is my personal favorite. By an act of coincidental artistic grace, a school bus just happened to slowly pass by while we were shooting. I want to re-shoot it so that the bus is going in the same direction as the boys, (if we can find another school bus) which would be towards Todos Santos, where their performance is. If I can set up the shot right, it could be a great first album cover. The ironic is thing is all these boys are being home schooled by their parents, but I love the idea that they are trying to hitchhike a ride on a school bus to their gig. This is pure coincidence, that I was inadvertently designing record covers, focusing on rock-n-roll in my blog, and then was asked to do this photo shoot. Eventually we will shoot a music video for them in the desert.
For the photo shoot, I accepted a trade of mangos and meat. In addition to being a musician with many other talents, Ben is also a butcher, and had a successful meat business--raising and butchering his own animals (free range, organic.) But for now he is focusing on being a professional musician, and the meat is for his family, and for occasional trades. Yesterday, we made smoothies from the mangoes and Lucas cooked up the pork chops he gave us. I didn’t eat them because I was feeling sick, but I heard they were delicious!
Fall is Around the Corner
ZOELAB DAY 38
I’ve got nothing.
This is the first time since starting this blog that I really don’t have anything.
I don’t want to connect, I don’t want to share, I don’t want to think. I don’t feel inspired. I don’t have anything to say.
What can I do, but admit the truth. {magically, admitting the truth releases it from my grasp.}
This reminds me of the lyrics to a song. I have never titled it, but I think I will now name it “your song.” Several years ago Lucas wrote a very beautiful song on the guitar, and then he taught it to me. It’s very fun to play--all two string chords. Then I wrote lyrics for it. It was very difficult for me. It was the first and only time (so far) I have written lyrics to someone else’s song.
Your Song
I keep playing but the words don’t come.
I sit here and pray for inspiration.
I don’t have anything to say.
Can you still feel the vibrations of my brain?
Then you came along,
with your song,
and it feels so sweet,
yet incomplete.
I’m gonna overheat.
You are California grown,
and like an avocado,
you turn brown when left around.
I once lived in Ohio.
And then, you came along
With your song.
And it feels so sweet,
yet incomplete.
I’m gonna overheat.
++ ++ ++ ++ ++ ++ ++ ++ ++ ++ ++
I noticed that on the days I spend most of the time being a mommy, I am less able to be linear here.
I also noticed that I seem to be inadvertently designing record covers lately. Doesn’t today’s look like a record cover?
I asked Emilio today, if could he have any pet in the world, what kind of pet would he have. And he said: “a mouse.” I found that funny, because we already have a pair of mice living with us. And they are very tiny and very cute, with very large black eyes. I got a photo of one tonight checking out our tangle of computer cables.
I just can’t stand the thought of killing them, and yet, they bring the potential for disease into our home. And they keep shredding up our toilet paper to use for nests. I bought some glue traps, but I couldn’t bring myself to set them up yet. I witnessed Lucas kill mice before. Once he shot one point blank in the forehead with an air rifle. Another time, he killed one with a fly swatter. Yes, they are that defenseless.
Oh yeah, and fall is just around the corner. The nights have cooled down. I am wearing pants for the first time in months. The air is crisper, the sunlight is even crisper. Emilio started playing outside again. But still, the bugs remain.
Emilio said to us today: “Hello, how are you? How was your summer?”
Dreams Becoming Plans
These are the projects that I want to get going this year. Most of them have lived in my mind as dreams for many years.
ZOELAB DAY 37
These are the projects that I want to get going this year. Most of them have lived in my mind as dreams for many years.
Dream #1
La Maestra
To build my organization Art For Life by continuing to provide cultivating creativity workshops, private coaching, and arts education. Upcoming workshop ideas include: introduction to expressive arts, creative journal workshop, writing workshop. Eventual goal is to create a holistic arts center, with a performance/gallery space, café, studio rental, and classrooms. Teachers teach holistic minded arts classes in a variety of media, using a fusion of expressive arts methods and a multicultural, mindful approach to the fine arts. Invite guest lecturers from the arts, create opportunities for people who have little exposure to the arts. Also, to build a retreat center in Elias Calles for creativity workshops as well as month-long artist residencies.
Dream #2
The Comedienne
To make a situation comedy for the web based on improvisation. The central character: a therapist version of “inspector gadget” a narcissistic and emotionally clumsy unlicensed therapist who practices out of her vintage motor home in Mexico who inadvertently helps her patients, while spending the counseling time fantasizing about her dreams of stardom.
Dream #3
The rocker
Garafön recording project. Independently produce a full length albums of songs with quirky art rock band. Lucas on drums & keyboards, Zoë on guitar & vocals. And maybe even play a few songs in public. Have been invited to participate in “all originals” show this December.
Dream #4
The Fashionista
Seis Doce/612. Launch small scale knits only clothing line. Debuting at fashion show this winter, and then continuing to sell knit tops, dresses and skirts, at local farmer’s markets.
Dream #5
The Homebody
Our home and garden. Continue construction on our house. Plant herb and vegetable garden. Finish bathroom. Set up solar system. Finish bedroom building. Start landscaping--create walled courtyard around two main buildings. Make studio/guest house building.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + +
These projects will not be finished in a year. But my hope is by putting them out there, I am making another step towards manifestation. I will work on each dream, step by step. I will continue to set small goals for myself as the months pass.
Plans for this month:
#1 Start planning the workshops that I will offer in the high season.
#2 Last week I had the revelation that this show can be improv based, using local non actors, rather than using a script, like a more traditional sitcom, which takes the pressure off of my writing the pilot, and brings in my love for improv. Improv (when it’s good) is the funniest and deepest stuff I’ve ever seen.
#3 Get back into practicing guitar and singing regularly. Which has already been happening. (We need to find a drum set for Lucas to practice on.)
#4 Start sewing. (I have already set up and organized my sewing space, and have all the tools (except the labels) I need to get started.)
#5 Paint the bathroom with primer. (Which we already have.)
Non-Linear Journal Entry: Androgynous Mind
We are constantly changing creatures, but we don’t always realize it. We limit ourselves when he recognize only certain parts of ourselves. But who we are changes each moment.
Sometimes you just gotta take the guitar out of the case.
C F
When you go,
C G
I will be sad.
C F
You did go.
C G
But I’m not sad.
(i’m interested in indicating a scene/time change in songs. as songs from musicals sometimes do.)
September was a particularly heady month. Essay style writing. Drawing. Those are both, as we would say in the expressive arts world, dryer types of expression. They are more mental, more linear. more left brain. Than say, working with clay, which is literally, wet. It is a more emotional and physical art form than drawing and essay writing. Not to say essay writing or drawing is not emotional for other people. I love writing essays and drawing, but I feel a little off balance when I am not also doing more physically and emotionally expressive art forms (like acting or music). I think I focused on drawing and writing essays last month because they are safer forms of expression for me. It makes sense that I started with the blog with that. But September represents only one month, only one season, one aspect of life, only some part of me.
The true self is not one self, but the self that unfolds daily, continuously. Each of our true selves really exists in the moment. That is the truest self there is the one that is now. We are constantly changing creatures, but we don’t always realize it. We limit ourselves when he recognize only certain parts of ourselves. But who we are changes each moment. In this sense there is never an “always.” And there is also never a “never.” No behavior is consistent.
I am being heady again, so that I can explain something I really don’t feel like explaining. I want to go back to being in a non-linear place. A place of relief for me sometimes.
We get the cultural message that it’s not okay to just be. We feel that in order to be valuable we need to be doing. doing = value being = coping out It’s all about culture vs. nature, culture vs. nature, I am always seeing things from this perspective.
But… it is when we are being, and aware of being we become who we already are.
Wavering between:
not wanting to decide a focus until it happens naturally. Let the focus emerge organically.
and:
My intention is to focus this month on sewing and working on my label seis doce. 612. So that I can be part of the winter fashion show in todos santos and start selling knit tops and dresses at the farmer’s markets when they open. I am starting by going to my sewing place tomorrow while a family friend/babysitter takes care of Emilio. Let’s see where that takes me.
Being an artist is an exercise in being myself. Which is dropping into the constant stream of selves flowing out of me. And having the courage and stubbornness to have them be heard.