Non-Linear Journal Entry: Androgynous Mind

Sometimes you just gotta take the guitar out of the case.

C F

When you go,

C G

I will be sad.

C F
You did go.

C G

But I’m not sad.

(i’m interested in indicating a scene/time change in songs. as songs from musicals sometimes do.)

September was a particularly heady month. Essay style writing. Drawing. Those are both, as we would say in the expressive arts world, dryer types of expression. They are more mental, more linear. more left brain. Than say, working with clay, which is literally, wet. It is a more emotional and physical art form than drawing and essay writing. Not to say essay writing or drawing is not emotional for other people. I love writing essays and drawing, but I feel a little off balance when I am not also doing more physically and emotionally expressive art forms (like acting or music). I think I focused on drawing and writing essays last month because they are safer forms of expression for me. It makes sense that I started with the blog with that. But September represents only one month,  only one season, one aspect of life, only some part of me.

The true self is not one self, but the self that unfolds daily, continuously. Each of our true selves really exists in the moment. That is the truest self there is the one that is now. We are constantly changing creatures, but we don’t always realize it. We limit ourselves when he recognize only certain parts of ourselves.  But who we are changes each moment. In this sense there is never an “always.” And there is also never a “never.” No behavior is consistent. 

I am being heady again, so that I can explain something I really don’t feel like explaining. I want to go back to being in a non-linear place. A place of relief for me sometimes.

We get the cultural message that it’s not okay to just be. We feel that in order to be valuable we need to be doing. doing = value    being = coping out  It’s all about culture vs. nature, culture vs. nature, I am always seeing things from this perspective.

But… it is when we are being, and aware of being we become who we already are.

Wavering between: 

not wanting to decide a focus until it happens naturally. Let the focus emerge organically.

and:

My intention is to focus this month on sewing and working on my label seis doce. 612. So that I can be part of the winter fashion show in todos santos and start selling knit tops and dresses at the farmer’s markets when they open. I am starting by going to my sewing place tomorrow while a family friend/babysitter takes care of Emilio. Let’s see where that takes me.

Being an artist is an exercise in being myself. Which is dropping into the constant stream of selves flowing out of me. And having the courage and stubbornness to have them be heard.