Projects, Parenting & Spray Bottles, Part Four

ZOELAB DAY 91

Original Date of Post: November 30, 2012

Anytime my activity at hand is seen by Emilio, not as something getting in the the way of my attention towards him, but rather something he can be part of, is a step in the right direction. It means that I can have a life other than being his mom that he can witness. It makes our relationship more mutual. This is a natural phase of development, when the child is no longer only interested in the parent entering his world, but when he wants to enter the parent’s world. I think it’s important, especially for a preschool kid (in this case preschool really means at home, not yet in school) to see that his mommy has a life other than him. For the first time as a Mom, I am allowing more of the other parts of my self into my relationship with Emilio. 

That being said, there are still many daily activities that I can do only when Emilio is asleep or away.

All Alone Activities

Reading

I don’t think I have the ability to concentrate on reading in his presence. For this reason, I don’t read as much as I’d like. But I should give it another try. I certainly read him books all the time. Sometimes I try to make it fun for myself by thinking the reading as an acting role or by allowing myself to get lost in the world the illustrations create. For this reason, I try hard to find books for Emilio that I love to look at too. That way I am getting to have an aesthetically inspiring experience while reading to him.

Writing/Blogging

If I attempt to work on my computer in his presence, he will immediately zone in on my computer, want to sit on my lap and ask to type, click on random images on the screen with the cursor, or ask to watch something. (He used to hum and haw and beat around the bush for a few minutes (Mamma, how’s your ipod doing? orA movie would be really fun, do you like movies?” before asking. Now he just cuts to the chase: “Mamma, I’m angling to watch a movie.”) But, if I am writing in my journal or writing notes on random scraps of paper, he will grab a pen and a piece of paper and say that he is writing a list or notes too. He creates his own version of writing. 

Making Music

Since he was a baby Emilio protests dramatically every time I pick my guitar. I think it has something to do with where it’s placed on my body--I imagine he sees the guitar as a block between him and me. And he’s right, in a way. I really hope this will change some day, as it means that the only time that I can feel free to play guitar is at night. It’s the same with singing. Since he was a baby, I sang Emilio Summertime before he went to sleep until one day when he yelled in protest when I tried to sing him a lullaby. He no longer wants to tolerate my singing--which is not so easy for me to take as singing both my deepest expression and insecurity. There of course are some exceptions, and Emilio and I have made music together on a few rare occasions. One time we made up a song together that I recorded--see I’m a rock-n-roll thing. There was a brief period when we had “family band” practice. Me on guitar, Emilio on drums, and Lucas on recorder. 

I suppose the lesson in this is to be willing to compromise a little: to find ways to include Emilio in what I’m doing so that it’s fun and satisfying for both of us. 

Note to reader: For more about this subject matter and to see photo of Emilio sprayinghis water bottle in the shower, check out Attention. Also see Art with Children.

Projects, Parenting & Spray Bottles, Part Three

ZOELAB DAY 90

Original Date of Post: November 29, 2012

I have the world’s best excuse for not doing dishes tonight (besides the ones laid out in yesterday’s post)--we’re out of water. Don’t worry, we’ll have water tomorrow--I can pump water into our roof tanks. But for tonight, no water. I had forgotten we were out of water, and I tried to wash my hands

Activities that can be completed while parenting with full or partial attention

Pedicure

Sometimes I give myself a pedicure while Emilio takes his bath on the patio. (The last time we did this he still fit in his bathtub which is really a plastic cooler. I am not sure he will fit in it anymore.) As he enjoys splashing in his tub, I enjoy soaking, scrubbing, and grooming my feet. After a while, he becomes interested in what I am doing and asks if he can have a pedicure too. He thinks a pedicure is an object he can have. I let him rub some cream on his feet and he loves it. He will usually split attention between what I am doing and what he is doing, and his enjoyment lasts for the entire pedicure process.

Baking Bread

This is a classic full time attention activity (where our attention is both on the activity at hand) with an equally shared result--fresh, warm, delicious bread! The recipe I use is from the New York Times adaption of the Sullivan Street Bakery No Knead Bread. I learned it from my Dad, who bakes it all the time. It looks beautiful, is very easy to make--no kneading, just a lot of rising and tastes incredibly good, like my favorite bread kind of good with a soft, chewy interior and a hard, crusty exterior. Anyway, it’s so easy to make, it almost doesn’t make sense not to make it. Emilio loves to make the bread dough. He helps measure the ingredients out and mixes the gloppy, sticky mess--which is very fun to play with. Then we let the dough sit for 16 hours. The next day, it has to be handled a little bit more (not kneaded though) and then eventually gets baked for 30 minutes in a dutch oven with the lid on and then 15 more minutes with the lid off. The sense of accomplishment that we both get from the experience increases the pleasure of eating the bread. One loaf usually lasts 2 days in our family.

Watercolors

I did try my idea of putting watercolor paint in spray bottles, but it didn’t quite live up to my expectations. It was hard to get enough color intensity, and it became clear right away that the mess was going to be unmanageable for me. Emilio seemed into it, but I just couldn’t let it go on. But, then I got Emilio interested in classic watercolor painting, while sitting at the table, and Emilio focused intently on his painting for enough time for me to pack up our stuff to get ready to go. 

Collage

This is a great activity that we enjoy doing together, or Emilio also can do it alone. Some materials I like to use are: construction paper, dry beans, googly eyes, Lotteria cards, pipe cleaners, origami paper, magazines to cut. (Next time I want to try a nature collage, where we collect objects outside as our materials.)

Exercise/Getting the Rawrgies Out

I like to take the opportunity for us both the get some exercise. Rather than trying to find someone to watch him while I spend money and drive to a class, I can put on music we both like and start jumping around--on the bed, or the floor. Yesterday I played the music from Yo Gabba Gabba, (Emilio’s new favorite show that we just discovered in LA) which is great and arty, with electronic beats and catchy repetitive phrases. “Try it.   You’ll like it. Try it.   You’ll like it” The songs remind me of songs we’d make up on our own, but with electric beats added.

Imaginative Play (with toys we both like)

My current favorite is pretend play with Vintage Fisher Price Little People. Now this doesn’t seem necessarily like an activity where I am getting something done, but it is, indirectly. Not only is engaging in imaginative play the best way that children learn, but it also gives me the opportunity to develop my imagination, which is necessary for most of the projects I am working on. That being said, active playtime with Emilio probably teach me lessons about almost everything I care about: creativity, improvisation, happiness, love, psychology, humor, relationships, and the list goes on...

Cooking

Sometimes when Emilio sees me start to cook dinner, he asks if he can help. Without hesitation I set him up with a mini chopping board, butter knife and a vegetable to cut. He looses interest after a few minutes, but he loves the feeling of contributing to dinner. 

To be continued...

Projects, Parenting & Spray Bottles, Part Two

ZOELAB DAY 89

Date of Original Post: November 28, 2012

General home upkeep is also now an activity I do while Emilio is awake or around—I also don’t like tidying the house at night, and now that I have deemed it a daytime activity, I can be more engaged in the process of cleaning or organizing, while still being partially engaged with Emilio. I can give him some attention, by engaging in his play by asking him evocative questions, while at the same time accomplishing house care: sweeping, tidying up, etc. It’s only been a few days of this new approach, but so far I am encouraged by how much I’m accomplishing while still giving Emilio the attention he needs. Of course it helps that we have just returned from a trip, so we are both happy to be home--Emilio with a reinvigorated attitude towards his toys, and me with a reinvigorated attitude towards returning to my projects and organizing our home (partially in preparation for the next wave of objects from our past that Lucas will be carting back in the trailer and the fast coming tourist season.) 

Mopping

House cleaning and organizing can also be a full-attention parenting activity. In other words a joint activity you can do with your child. One rare day I felt like mopping the floor to our house (like dishwashing, mopping is not on my favorite house chore--I strongly prefer sweeping or wiping down surfaces), and as I got out the mop and the spray bottle (filled with half vinegar and half water-a great natural and inexpensive disinfectant) I saw a glint in Emilio’s eye and I asked if he wanted to help. He wanted to be the one to spray the vinegar water on the tile floor while I mopped the area he sprayed. We both had a lot of fun and felt equally motivated to clean the entire floor this way. I felt a deep satisfaction at having a clean space, and all the more so because we had managed to accomplish and make fun, a chore that I had always found tedious. And I didn’t have to spend any precious alone time doing it. 

Wiping Surfaces

On another day, we decided we wanted to use the coffee table to draw, but it was dirty and needed to be cleaned. Again, I got out the spray bottle and a rag. I let him spray the entire table with the spray and wipe as much as he wanted, and then I added some finishing touches. After we were done, I felt like I could breathe better. I remarked at how nice it was to have the table all clean. I asked Emilio if he liked having it clean (hoping I could instill a cleanliness gene in him mentally instead of through DNA) and he said “yes.” And then I asked him why. And he said “because we sprayed and wiped it.” What he liked was not the result of table being clean, but the activity in itself, the experience of cleaning. Wouldn’t I keep the house cleaner if I saw it the same way?

Cleaning Up Toys

Another activity that can be done with full attention, and therefore becomes a good parenting moment and a good house care moment, is cleaning up toys. Now because the space we live in is a shared space by three unique individuals (Ping, covered in fleas, does not come in the house--which is the Mexican way with dogs) , it is easily overtaken by any one of us. I find that I feel happier at night if Emilio’s toys are already put away. I also think tidying up is a good skill for him to learn. Therefore, another one of the evening rituals I try to do is clean up toys as part of bedtime routine. I dangle the three books he will have for night time as a motivator, which usually works, unless he is so tired that he will resist just to resist. In which case I don’t ask him to clean up his toys in order to keep clean up time free of negative associations (you’ve got to pick your battles.) Ihave come up with an organization system, using various containers of shapes and sizes to help contain his toys. Therefore cleaning up becomes as much a sorting game as it does a chore. Even Emilio’s friends know which types of toys go in which containers. For example: the 1950’s white vinyl train case (from Ruth, my mother in law, who, on an overall life simplification jag, dispersed her impressive collection of vintage suitcases and train cases) holds the dolls and doll furniture (I guess some day we will get/make him a doll house), the metal Japanese Snoopy tin holds his collection of 1960’s and 70’s Fisher Price Little People, the cylindrical oatmeal tin holds his magnets (and becomes a great magnet toy in itself). My point is that cleaning up can be challenging and fun when it’s a sorting game. Sometimes as an extra motivator I add the challenge of competition-the point system. Every time someone puts a toy in a container I call out “I got a point. I got two points. You got a point” and so on. It’s just like a basketball game, but there’s lots of balls and we put them in the same hoop. This usually works in getting Emilio to put away his toys, but sometimes he still resists, and then his own internal motivator kicks in--he makes a new game where he finds creative ways (usually involving toes) to pick up the toys and put them in their appropriate container. It’s not as quick as my point method, but whatever works in the current circumstance is what’s best.

To be continued...

Note to reader: the power cord to my computer just burnt out on me, which means that I will not be able to charge my computer after it dies, which means I might be delayed in getting the next posts out until I can borrow or buy a new one. Yikes!

Projects, Parenting & Spray Bottles, Part One

ZOELAB DAY 88 

Date of Original Post: November 27, 2012

I used to think that it was impossible to get anything done while parenting. I guess that’s because it used to be impossible to get anything done while parenting. But, things have changed. Now that Emilio is three years old, and has expanded his attention span and developed a lovely imagination, we can work on projects together that we both enjoy. Painting with watercolors is currently the main activity in our lives that we both equally love. (Some of my watercolor illustrations this month were done while I was painting with Emilio). It’s relatively messy, but not compared to poster paint or finger painting, or even baking. It’s an art form that has the added element of water play, a beloved activity for many children. Emilio loves water play and will spend long amounts of time squirting a spray bottle filled with water. That just gave me an idea! I can put up large pieces of butcher paper on the walls outside, fill a spray bottle with watercolor paint, and he can make watercolorsquirt paintings. I can’t wait to try this tomorrow! Anyway, I suppose all kids projects are messy, especially for this mother and this kid. Every time Emilio “plays toys,” in a manner of minutes, Emilio’s toys are spread all over the living room floor. Many of his toys end up in the kitchen, under the couch and under the bed. This is partly because we live in a one-room house (plus attached bodega), but partly because Emilio is Señor Rough-on-stuff. I can’t blame him, as I, in my own way, am pretty careless with our objects as well. 

My goal lately has been to become more efficient with my planning and time so that I can truly have the time I need to complete all the projects I’m dedicated to—creating for ZOELAB, planning workshops for Art For Life, sewing for Seis Doce, planning my tv show, playing music again, wedding planning, organizing our home, planting our garden, while at the same time staying present and relaxed and having fun. A tall order for sure. With the exception of my one day a week job, I am a mostly stay-at-home mom who lives with a part-time working dad, and a not yet school aged kid, in a not-so-finished off the grid house in the desert, so I need to balance all these projects with family life, pre-Victorian household chores and parenting. In my attempt to look somewhat objectively at my life, so that I can find ways to become more organized and efficient with my time, I have come up with a system of categorizing my daily at home activities: those I can do while parenting with full attention, those I can do while parenting with partial attention, those I can do when Emilio is not around, and those I can do when no one’s around. 

Activities that can be completed while parenting with either full or partial attention

Dishwashing

I have decided that dishwashing should no longer be an after Emilio goes to bed activity, or an activity I do when I have some time alone. That’s just a waste of my alone time. Dishwashing should be done while Emilio is playing, or with Emilio. After years of being torn between Emilio and the dishes (an easy contest in Emilio’s favor), I am now astonished that Emilio asks to wash dishes with me. It’s become a fun activity to do together. I separate all unbreakable dishes for him to wash with his own pot of soapy water and he is so happy to make bubbles and use the sponge for almost the entire time of dishwashing. (Though I do have to step inwith some occasional damage control as he loves to splash water all over everything.) In my attempts to make dishwashing more appealing and doable for me, and to inspire me to keep the kitchen cleanliness at a higher level, I have come up with two key times a day to do the dishes: once in the morning, right after breakfast, while the day is fresh, and once in the evening, right before dinner. From the efficiency point of view (thinking specifically about how much time is spent washing dishes) No matter when I do dishes, I am going to spend the same amount of time doing dishes, so if I have to dishes anyway, doesn’t it make sense for me to wash them more often, in smaller doses so that I can enjoy looking at a clean kitchen, rather than saving the dishwashing until our entire is sink is filled with dishes and it’s so overwhelming that it makes me (or anyone who enters the kitchen) avoid it even longer. Additionally, I realized I really detest doing dishes after dinner, and this way I don’t have to, I can wash them when I have more energy and there’s more light. Now when Emilio asks for me to read to him or play with him after breakfast I can say “after I’m done with the dishes,” and that really means in only 15 minutes as opposed to the hour that it would take me to wash the terrifying pile of dishes in our sink that has been accumulating all week. Of course, I realize if one is to have success at dishes upkeep, one must absolutely start from a completely clean kitchen otherwise one might lose hope fast. Returning home to a thoroughly cleaned kitchen after our trip helped give me the boost I needed to turn over a new leaf.

To be continued...

Child-like

ZOELAB DAY 337

Date of original post: August 6, 2013

27 signs that my inner kid is still very much alive

1) Usually my main goal is having fun

2) I am often disappointed when others are not like this

3) My favorite colors for outfits are inspired by romper room

4) When I buy a present for my child, I am not sure if it’s for me or him

5) My favorite place to be is lying down on the floor

6) I fight with my child over toys 

7) I like to set up little creativity and play areas all over the house

8) I always want to be mirrored

9) I like making a mess, and I don’t like to clean it up

10) My sources for art inspiration are comic books, children’s books and animation

11) My favorite snacks are carrot sticks, apple slices, and cheddar bunnies

12) I want to do everything my self, in my own way

13) My best collection is my Snoopy Collection

14) I still wear Swatch watches and Le Sports Sac purses

15) I hope for underoos in my size

16) My favorite things to draw are hearts, stars, butterflies and flowers

17) My preferred drawing tools are markers

18) I am primarily focused on when my next snack will take place and what it will be

19) I am most enthusiastic about: learning new things, toys, colorful objects, presents, pasta and ice cream

20) I still want to have my friends over for play dates

21) My favorite activities are making up songs, goofy dancing, imaginary play, and games

22) The best reason to do something is because I feel like it

23) If someone is mean to me or I don’t get what I want, I cry

24) I love to do cartwheels and stand on my head

25) I refuse to wear Band-Aids for grown ups

26) I crave the kind eyes of loving attention

27) I still have all my my favorite stuffed animals

Last Day of Kindergarten

Tadeo, Itzel, Jocelyn, Vanessa (La Maestra), Emilio, Marcito, Haide, Maria Jose, Antonio, Angel y Gralya in front of the mural project I did with the kids all year. Vanessa and I finished the mural the day after and added their names.

Yesterday was Emilio's last day of Kindergarten. Surely a day of mixed feelings for me. This day marks the end of early childhood, and the beginning of middle childhood. From the Freudian point of view, he is moving from the Oedipal phase that is marked by intense emotions, especially towards the parents, and a focus on the phallus (Freud was male centric) and into the Latency phase, which is more social, connected to the world of friends and people away from home which lasts until puberty. This new phase is the one I have least experience with as a teacher, a therapist, and a nanny. As with the end of every phase of parenting, I have mixed emotions. At first, when the realization hits me, I have a profound sense of loss where I cry cathartically for an hour, then I quickly recover, and feel a new sense of freedom and excitement about the unknown next phase.

I think for Emilio, who hasn't developed nostalgia yet, the day had less significance. Though he will be participating in a graduation ceremony in a few weeks, which is quite exciting due to its promise of sweet and a performance by the kids. Vanessa, the teacher, had requested that all the kids wear their uniforms the second to last day of school so we could take photos of the kids. The kids were supposed to wear their uniforms everyday. But as the year wore on, us parents stopped bothering to put their uniforms on the kids. Seeing them in their uniforms again, reminded me of the first day of school. Emilio had a great year in Kindergarten, and made great progress with his Spanish. He had extra help from our Peruvian neighbor and friend, Silvia, who is a very animated and fun teacher. She and I also do Spanish & English conversation once a week.

In Mexico, the Jardin de Niños includes both preschool and kindergarten, 3-5. At 6 the kids start primaria. In September, Emilio will be going to the primary school in Elias Calles, which shares the school yard with kindergarten. It is a two room school house--the kids, age 6-12 are split into two classrooms, taught be two teachers.

I started shooting photos of the kids in their uniforms, but then I realized Angel was missing. He is considered the rough kid, but I have a very special place in my heart for him. He has an artist's eye. I found Angel hiding in this tree. He was trying to avoid being in the photo, because he was the only kid with out a uniform. I pleaded with him to join the photo, but he was ashamed. Marcito's grandmother put a white playera on him, while he wiped the tears from his eyes. It was heartbreaking. But he did make into the photo. There he is below: second row, far right. Emilio is far left.

Gralya, first row, far left, didn't want to be in the photo either. But I have no idea why--she is pouting and separate for the photo on the top of this post, but now she is in the photo, but still pouting. She will be graduating along with Emilio.

Marcito and Itzel. Marcito will be graduating, but Itzel has two more years.

You may also enjoy:

Parenting Breakthrough

Being a parent has its ups and downs, just like everything. Sometimes, I feel amazed by the brilliance of my son. I sit in awe of his exuberance, his strength, or his ability to name his emotions, as I secretly allow myself to a little bit of credit. Other times, I find my son's rowdy energy to be annoying and disrespectful, triggering the hurt little girl inside who felt disrespected and attacked by the group of boys (including my brother, my cousin, and family friends) I spent time with as a child. I recognize that, with parenting, just like everything else, the areas we struggle with the most are opportunities for healing, growth and transformation. In other words, parenting kicks my ass and Emilio is my greatest teacher.

This thought occurred to me yesterday, during a particularly trying day. My husband and I have designated two days a week to be "Mommy Days": days that I stay at home to take care of the house, and spend time with Emilio. These days are also often the days where I am in the flow of my inner life--I am often deeply called to write, to draw or play music. On those days I feel pulled in three directions: between house work, time with Emilio and time spent with my rich inner life. My hope is that blogging will be a way to tie all of them together. But it isn't easy. 

Yesterday I found myself giving up on the overwhelming pile of house work and just pulled just in two directions. What I just noticed is that every single thing that I love to do is just exactly the thing that Emilio has no tolerance for. I am in the house with Emilio, he is deep in imaginative play with a guitar capo that he has turned into a character with a funny voice, and I suddenly have a brilliant thought that I must write down immediately before I forget. Just as I sit down at my computer, Emilio appears before me struggling to climb into my lap, trying to block my keyboard by pressing random buttons. Or Emilio is outside banging a broken piece of cement with a shovel, and then I grab the ukelele and practice my new song, and after a few strums, he is suddenly inside the house, glaring at me with his angry face, saying: "no!" Or later on, when we do a project together involving fun things like blowing out the insides of eggs and decorating them, I get inspired to do a blog post, and start taking rapid fire photos of the process. He blocks the object I am trying to take a photo of, and I get angry and storm off like a little child. We make up, but I realize that he doesn't want to let me do anything that fills me, only what fills him. On some days I have an easier time accepting this reality of parenting, that we are to prioritize the needs of ours child over ours. Not always, but often. But on this day, I feel more resistant to this idea. I am tired and I have ideas that need to be expressed. I want to create. I want to daydream. We are at a standstill. Later, I come up with a compromise. I want to read for 20 minutes, while he plays. After that, I promise I will play with him. I set a timer, and get back into reading Not That Kind of Girl (for the second time). He plays by himself, but very near to me. We are both lying on what we call "the couch" (which is really a narrow cushion from an old camper we no longer own that we keep on the floor.) It's barely big enough for the both of us. When the timer goes off, Emilio is outside playing and he doesn't hear it. I don't say anything and keep reading. Eventually he comes in and I bring up that it's time to play. I don't remember how exactly it happens, but suddenly we are in a live game show and I am speaking in a loud, showy voice with a very bad English accent, and I am announcing Emilio as the contestant that will be sharing his experiments with the live audience. I respond to everything he says or does with an over the top reflection of how amazing he is, repeating his full name and imploring "the audience" to give a rowdy round of applause. It turns out to be a sort of interview--about his work in his laboratory in Elias Calles, and how he is going to share his experiments with world. This process draws him out. He is beaming. He plays along. He starts to take on the same bad English accent. The next trick of the show is him sharing his best Kung Fu moves. "The audience" and I gasp in amazement. This acted out play goes on for a half hour or so, and after a while I start to lose steam. I tell him I need to pee and take a break. He wants it to continue. "Mommy, do that voice." "I need to rest. I'll do some more later."

That voice--that's the actress me. The trained improvisor. The performer. The kid who loves to play. It's also fed by the wounded healer. The part of me that instinctively knows what the soul needs to heal. This isn't his healing, it's mine. My healing needs co-mingling with his immediate needs for play and attention. I am giving my child the very reflection that I so deeply needed as a child. I wanted desperately to be drawn out. This is my gift for others. So it turns out there are some art forms and desires that Emilio will allow me to do, but the trick is not going off into a corner and doing them by myself. The trick is to draw him into the arena with me. To reflect not just him and his shiny self, but to include my own. And in this way, we build relationship. And this is the lesson I am re-learning, ever deepening into. Parenthood is about relationship. Self and Other. This is the model we want to give our children: compromise--by acknowledging both self and others needs. Modeling is one important way that kids learn. The other is play.

Getting Sugared Up on Halloween

ZOELAB DAY 61

We took Emilio to a Halloween party for kids at a local bar/cafe. Lucas had found a very official-looking NASA space suit at a thrift store in California--it just happened to fit Emilio perfectly. After we already had the suit, he said he wanted to be Spiderman, but we had no time to make him a Spiderman costume, so he had to be spaceman instead. It took a little cajoling (with the sweet sweet promise of sweet, sweet candy) to get him to wear it. But once it was on, it didn’t seem to bother him as he had many more important things on his mind. As Emilio is only three, and has not been in day care or preschool, he is still not used to large crowds of people. His normal super gregarious and expressive self shuts down and he becomes extremely shy. When he feels nervous he tends to put a finger in his nose, or mouth. It issomehow utterly heart breaking to watch this shy, sweet, innocent Emilio emerge amidst the sugar-driven chaos of Halloween. We witnessed the same thing, which was even more hectic last year, when we spent Halloween with some friends in Los Angeles.

The photo above depicts a game all the children were playing called freeze, where all the kids dance to music, and when they turn the music off, the kids are supposed to be still. If they move, then they are called out. Emilio did quite well at this game, as he did not move the entire time they played. He just stood quietly in his spaceman suit, with his finger in his mouth.

Now, let me explain that all that I have described above is pre-candy. Then the trick-or-treating happened. The adults at the party were given bags of candy to offer to the children who approached them. (No stoops and ringing doorbells like we had in Brooklyn). Once Emilio had gathered his loot, he was allowed to eat three pieces of candy. Within minutes of a few pieces gummy candy and a lollypop, Emilio brightened considerably. His eyes became wild and he was suddenly chatting it up with strangers about the robot boy he saw. Then he noticed that cartoons (vintage Scooby Doo) were being projected on a screen. For the rest of the evening, he sat, sucker in mouth, eyes glued to the soundless screen. During the car ride home, as he continued to suck on his lollypop (it took him the better part of an hour to finish it) came the question of whether there was gum in the center. As he is still too young to have gum, due to potential choking hazards, we were concerned about it. He refused to let me take the tiny bits of gum away from him, but eventually he spit them on the floor. Now, the issue of gum has special significance to Emilio. Because it the only treat he knows of that we never allow him to have, it has come to symbolize all that is good and great in the world of being older. He has often said, “If I grow up, maybe I can have some gum.” When Lucas and I repeat this line to each other, and he hears, he says: “hey that’s my question!” We didn’t realize it was a question, but I can see now, how it is.

After years of making a big effort to avoid giving anything sweet to Emilio, except for rare special occasions, we have come to a place with parentingwhere his asking for treats is a constant occurrence, and our giving in is much more than we would like. How I miss the days when he ate only plain yogurt, didn’t drink juice, and never asked for treats. Now, the first thing he says when he wakes up is: I want something sweet. We never give him candy (except for this Halloween) and we don’t keep any treats in the house. But now he’s wised up to the sweet things available at home and he will ask for honey, with yogurt. (Yes, in that order.) It’s a little scary how it has come to this. It is difficult in a country where strangers give sweets to Emilio every where we go. Sweets and children seem synonymous. Now, I can’t go blaming Mexico, but I know I must not be the only parent who struggles with issue of sweets (as well as video watching). These two things are some of the most addictive substances in the world, are unhealthy and have psychoactive effects. Yet... they are so hard to resist, bring such joy, and make great bargaining tools. A daily parental dilemma for sure.

One of the benefits of my recent two week long intestinal bug, is that it got me to stop eating anything with sugar. Now I am not as much of a sweet tooth as some people, so it wasn’t that difficult to give up. But, what I did notice, is how beneficial giving up sugar has been for my mood and for regulating my blood sugar. Due to tiniest fluctuations in my blood sugar levels, I am susceptible to dramatic mood swings. Cutting out sugar has stabilized me more than any other trick I’ve tried (5 small meals a day, eating nuts, whole grains, etc.) I am going to really stick with this. Now I have to find a way to break Emilio from his obsession.

Happy Halloween!

I'm a rock-n-roll thing

ZOELAB 365 DAY 39

I think some of us are born with a rock ‘n’ roll gene. I discovered it in myself as a child. It first bloomed for me at eight years old, when I discovered the Beatles. I would lie on the floor and listen to all my parents’ Beatles records over and over. I memorized every song, and eventually bought every album I could. At 13 I wrote my term paper about their lyrics. At 15, I started learning electric guitar. It blossomed for me again in a new way when I first heard the Velvet Underground. When I was 16, I flew to Nairobi, Kenya to visit my brother who was there visiting his Kenyan girlfriend. He picked me up from the airport and had The Velvet Underground album playing in the tape deck. I had never heard anything like it. It opened up a whole aesthetic world for me that I could never have imagined. It was my introduction to art rock, and the first seed of being a future songwriter was planted. The Velvet Underground continues to be one of my greatest inspirations in all areas of art. I named my second film after a song of theirs, and the title of my first full length screenplay also came from a VU song.

I am excited that Emilio also has also been given the rock-n-roll gene. It bloomed in him quite early, before he was even two years old. He discovered the drums through a 10 year old boy.

We are very close to a family from Michigan who has six boys. The two youngest ones (Georgie, 4, and Vinnie, 6) are Emilio’s best friends. The older four boys and their father have a band that plays a mix of blues, rock, jazz and funk. The dad, Ben, plays guitar, Benjy(who will be 18 next month) plays bass, Obë (now 16) plays keyboards, Ricky (now 14) plays congas, and Marty (now 12) plays drums. Their debut in Baja as a musical group was when they performed at our wedding a year and a half ago. We hadn’t even heard them play ahead of time, but we had a feeling they were going to be good. They turned out to be a great band, and got the dancing started at our wedding. We invited them to come back the next Sunday, and we had hosted a jam session with leftovers from the wedding. We continued to host a casual afternoon party with food and music every Sunday for the rest of the season. Every week different musical people showed up with instruments to plug in and large bowls of food. There were times the Sunday jam sessions became so big, we had no idea who was going to show up. Lucas told me that our Sunday jam sessions gave him warm memories of his own childhood, as his father is a professional musician, and he spent much of his childhood among large groups of people hanging out and playing music.

Our friends, who are now called The Groovetrotters have since become professional musicians playing all over Baja. They are plotting their way into global success, with plans for a tour in Europe. They are working on a logo, and have asked me to go take a photo of them tomorrow to use for it. We are also in the process of helping them make a music video.

Rock-N-Roll & Emilio

When Emilio was two, we began finding child drums at segundas. Lucas strapped them around a bucket, and Emilio had a drum set. Emilio played them with great skill and energy.

One time we spontaneously made a song together. No drums in this one. But we made this when Emilio was a the height of his interest in drums.

More Stories

Emilio: “I’m a rock-n-roll thing. I’m a rock-n-roll guy.”

When I’m introducing a new song to him, he asks: “Who’s the drummer?”

During one long car trip, I spent the entire time searching for songs on my ipod based on his specific request to hear “rock and roll drums.”

While we were listening to a Ratatat song (electronic music):

Emilio: “I have a question for you. What kinds of drums are those?”

Me: “They’re electronic.”

Emilio: “Oh, are they rock n roll drums?”

Me: “No not really.” “I want to hear Joan Jett. I want to hear rock n roll drums.” So then I played him I love rock-n-roll. And he was happy. It brings back a memory. I was about eight when that song was popular. I remember my best friend Nicole and I jumping up and down on a bed in a bungalow in Woodstock, NY that her family had rented for the summer, singing I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL as loud as we could.

Rock-n-roll is about rebellion, enthusiasm, and not giving a shit what people think. For me it also has to be a little raw. It makes sense that a toddler would love it. Maybe Emilio will join Garafön when he is older and then Lucas won’t have to play both keyboards and drums, each with one hand.

Fall is Around the Corner

ZOELAB DAY 38

I’ve got nothing.

This is the first time since starting this blog that I really don’t have anything.

I don’t want to connect, I don’t want to share, I don’t want to think. I don’t feel inspired. I don’t have anything to say.

What can I do, but admit the truth. {magically, admitting the truth releases it from my grasp.}

This reminds me of the lyrics to a song. I have never titled it, but I think I will now name it “your song.” Several years ago Lucas wrote a very beautiful song on the guitar, and then he taught it to me. It’s very fun to play--all two string chords. Then I wrote lyrics for it. It was very difficult for me. It was the first and only time (so far) I have written lyrics to someone else’s song.

Your Song

I keep playing but the words don’t come.

I sit here and pray for inspiration.

I don’t have anything to say.

Can you still feel the vibrations of my brain?

Then you came along,

with your song,

and it feels so sweet,

yet incomplete.

I’m gonna overheat.

You are California grown,

and like an avocado,

you turn brown when left around.
I once lived in Ohio.

And then, you came along

With your song.

And it feels so sweet,

yet incomplete.

I’m gonna overheat.

++         ++        ++        ++        ++        ++        ++        ++        ++        ++        ++       

I noticed that on the days I spend most of the time being a mommy, I am less able to be linear here.

I also noticed that I seem to be inadvertently designing record covers lately. Doesn’t today’s look like a record cover?

I asked Emilio today, if could he have any pet in the world, what kind of pet would he have. And he said: “a mouse.” I found that funny, because we already have a pair of mice living with us. And they are very tiny and very cute, with very large black eyes. I got a photo of one tonight checking out our tangle of computer cables.

I just can’t stand the thought of killing them, and yet, they bring the potential for disease into our home. And they keep shredding up our toilet paper to use for nests. I bought some glue traps, but I couldn’t bring myself to set them up yet. I witnessed Lucas kill mice before. Once he shot one point blank in the forehead with an air rifle. Another time, he killed one with a fly swatter. Yes, they are that defenseless.

Oh yeah, and fall is just around the corner. The nights have cooled down. I am wearing pants for the first time in months. The air is crisper, the sunlight is even crisper. Emilio started playing outside again. But still, the bugs remain.

Emilio said to us today: “Hello, how are you? How was your summer?”