After Campo Elias Calles, and after Emilio was born, we needed a new place to live. It was winter 2010, Emilio was 5 months old. Our friends, who live in La Huerta (a mostly gringo area next to a surfer’s beach, surrounded by farmlands) took us in.
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To continue on the theme of self, I am sharing some self portraits I took yesterday. The goal at first was to create a new profile photo for facebook (while Lucas was away, he has just returned this evening.) But really, to be really honest, the idea started because I was having a particularly good hair day, and I wanted to capture the way my hair looked. (A good hair day can sometimes be an equivalent for happiness.)
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One day about six years ago I had a sudden realization about what true self is. I have found the common advice to “just be yourself” was vague and hard to follow. What is “your true self”?
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29. sales associate for women’s clothing boutique
30. story writer for pornographic magazine
31. director’s liaison for film festival
32. director’s liaison and press liaison for independent film festival
33. publications coordinator and designer for children’s social services agency
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Latest Firsts
making granola
pooping in the potty
mopping entire floor
imaginary friend
falling asleep in bed for nap
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I find it freeing to let go of the protective grip of the ego that wants to uphold an idealized and restricted view of ourselves, and accept that we all fail as humans. We all make messes. We all feel rejected sometimes.
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It was hard to see our beloved camp so destroyed, but I found relief in knowing I had documented it in its glory days. We also knew part of its beauty was its transience.
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Having been a city girl my whole life, it was a real shift for me to live in nature.
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I’ve been putting off telling this story even though it’s the story that I most want to tell. It’s a difficult story to tell because it’s complicated, and we’re still in the middle of it.
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I have a confession to make:
The main, if not totally conscious, reason I chose to do this project of blogging 365 days for a year, was to knock myself out of the indelible, lifelong habit of whiling away the evening (the most precious free time of the day, especially for a parent) watching television.
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Aesthetics are the language of our soul. When we are children, we are living closest to our souls. I think this is why books or music from our childhood continues to have such a powerful impact on who we are as adults.
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It is easy to be disparaging about it, and call myself a dilettante, a dabbler, an amateur, someone who doesn’t really stick with things.
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Last winter, Emilio, who was two-and-a-half at the time, started to get interested in drawing and painting.
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The faces show that our hearts have expanded to show how death has always been part of us.
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The impetus to do this project came a month ago while I was riding the Peter Pan bus from the Berkshires to New York City. I had just had a visit with my family, and my brother had lent me his copy of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (which I’m not planning on returning to him).
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